All That I Am
2003-02-13 03:27:13 (UTC)

I Was Long Ago

On the bus ride to work today I was in a tranquil and
relaxed mood. So, in an effort to further spur on my zen
state, I started listening to Norah Jones and Alanis
Morissette. And then, about an hour into my meditation, I
began having flashes of memories I had long forgotten. Lost
stories of my childhood...

Once, I can't remember....I was long ago....someone
strange. I was innocent and wise...and full of pain. I was
so infused with life back then. I had no fear of the world
and ran around as it's youthful king. Hyper, excited, all-
knowing, and loving. I knew I had so much to do in life and
yet had all the time in the world to do it. I was
experiencing the joys of my own, personal utopia. But then
something unexpected happened. I met Mrs. Harvin. I caught
fears from her as a child might catch measles or mumps.
That night, my innocence was lost forever. I had never
known anyone to dispise me before until her. She took
advantage of my naivete through youth and made me doubt
myself. I wasn't her grandson, Rhys and Amond were. I was a
bastard and a nigger. Everytime I regress within memory,
one way or another, I always find myself thinking of her. I
don't always realize it, but my thoughts are always on her.
She ended my age of innocence long ago, and helped mold me
into the fearful person that I am today. I've never had
such hateful feelings for a person as I do Gertrude Harvin.

As much as I hate it, she's a part of my life. And with all
the harm she inflicted, I still grew up to be a good
person. Through her ignorance, I learned understanding.
From her intolerance, I discovered compassion. And because
of her rage, I learned patience. Things I'm not too sure I
knew before I met her. Those are the lessons that I'll take
from her. Lessons that'll help me heal and grow.

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