Stacist

A Dreamer's Playground
2001-09-24 03:37:12 (UTC)

The Past Resurfaces Once Again

I wrote this nearly a year ago, the night after my
15th birthday party if i remember correctly...it just
explains so much as to why I am often depressed so I felt I
had to put it on my online diary.

Well...Today was my 15th birthday.
Normally teenagers love becoming one year older and
throwing a big party, but this year...basically sucked.
First we celebrated Corrine's baby shower. I came
home early in the morning from sleeping at Charmaine's
house for a Halloween party.
When I got home, I went upstairs and put my sleeping
bag and back pack in my room. Then I went downstairs and
looked at all the stuff set up for the parties. I observed
everything closely and saw all the stuff set up for the
baby shower. I walked into the kitchen and saw a beautiful
store-bought cake with winnie the pooh and piglet on it.
Next I went into the living room and saw balloons,
streamers and even an extra table set up for Corrine's
presents.
I sat down in the living room and started
thinking, "Who the hell would want to bother with my cake,
crappily designed by me, and my lousy party when anyone who
came would only want to see Corrine and praise her for
being retarded and getting pregnant?"
Corrine's party was set up nicely with decoration and
friends and a beautiful cake.
So many people came to our house, on MY bithday to see
Corrine. Mom never got any of us a store bought cake
before.
Corrine had a gorgeous party, with lots of friends,
lots of gifts, and lots of people to see her.
Not one single person I invited to my party came. My
pile of presents wasn't even one eighth the size of
Corrine's and other than when people sang happy birthday to
me, I'm lucky if three people said happy birthday to me.
There were five possible people that I thought might
come to my party still, but not a single person I
personally asked to come did.
The only people that arrived after Corrine's party was
Uncle Bob and cousin Paul and they only come to parties to
eat. Mom had asked me if I wanted a piece of Corrine's
cake and I said no. In my head I was saying, "Like hell!
I don't want anything to do with Corrine's party and that
cake is what tells me without words that Corrine means much
more to everyone that I do."
I got a really good cd player and I totally loved the
big stuffed Eeyore that Corrine got me, so you'd probably
think I was a selfish brat by being so upset with the day,
but I can't help but feel that Corrine is loved so much
more than I am.
It was my birthday and seeing all those people arrive
for Corrine and nobody for me was devastating.
I've always felt that Corrine will be loved no matter
what she does and it's like screw me, what the hell does
anybody want with an ugly fat girl when they have a skinny
tall blonde to cherish and hold dear to their hearts.
If her child is born pretty close to my birthday and
we always have to have two parties at about the same time,
then I don't want a party anymore.
I can imagine it now...my birthday - family shows up.
Baby's birthday - 500 people come to see it and that's not
counting how many times they're gonna visit throughout the
year.
I think the only reason I'm upset is because nobody
came to our house to see me on my birthday...they came to
see Corrine.
I love her gift she gave me, but how I feel overall
about the day...I can't help but feel like I'm in second
place compared to Corrine. I won't even call myself second
best because I don't feel that to my family I can be called
the best even if it were 2nd best or even as little liked
as 1,000th best.
Whatever place I'm in, I feel as though I can't even
compare for affection...Corrine is cherished so much that I
don't even matter.

yahoo = night_shine77
aim = zeos2004




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