madeline

September 23rd, 2001

"We're no longer called Sonic Death Monkey. We're on the
verge of becoming Kathleen Turner Overdrive, but just for
tonight, we are Barry Jive and his Uptown Five."

Mood: exhausted
Music: JayZ- Hard Knock Life

Ok well, I am rather stressed. I went to the grocery store
today to buy highlighters and tried to use my ATM card and
the machine said Declined. What the heck?? I know I've got
money in there. So i used another card, went home and
checked the balance and sure enough.... there was money in
there. I am so confused. I have had the worst luck with
those bastard cards. I went back to the store later in the
afternoon to get some diet pills (yes...I've started taking
them again) and it said declined again. I have to go talk
to those people and see what the deal is. I worked out for
the first time in a while. I was having a really fat day.
It felt good to sweat and be sore. I wanted to take a nap
afterwards, but the pills kept me wide awake. I'm so
jittery right now. I miss this feeling. I feel like I
could run a billion mile marathon. I just want to feel
skinny. I will stop with them as soon as I do. I have to
see the doctor tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to that.
It's kinda a pain, but at least I should get feeling back
to my normal self again soon. No more fattening food or
snacking. And I'm going to start going to the far dining
hall...so I have to work for my meals. I finished all my
homework and feel I accomplished a lot, which is a mighty
nice feeling. I think I want to get more involved with
school stuff. I don't want to be part of the party scene.
All I care about is Briny. I sit in my room all day and
wait for him so we can chat. I think that may be why I'm
so depressed. I'm not getting out or meeting people. Just
enclosing myself in a big bubble and not letting anyone
in. I'm being a good girlfriend....but it's killing me.
Especially when I've waited for him all day, he wakes up,
gets a call from his friends, and decides to go out with
them. I know he has to have friends. But I mean, people
have asked me to do stuff too...but i said nah..I want to
talk to my boy. I feel like I care more than he does.
Maybe I'm just being sensitive....but it seems like I'm
more devoted. I only need him, not other people. I
couldn't even imagine going out with other friends. It
seems so wrong. I just want to talk with him. That's it.
Am I wrong?? Should I just go out and have fun? I want a
devoted relationship!!! I just want him. It would be so
much better if we were just together. I can't wait to see
him again. I'm going to go back in about a month. I will
know exact dates when we find out if we are invited to his
family wedding. Well I bought Briny anuuder present. I
love sending him stuff. Hehehe. I love getting mail too.
It makes me feel special... SEND ME STUFF!!!! lol. Well,
the pills are wearing off and I'm exhausted!! Oh...I get
to pic up my pictures tomorrow. I can't wait to see how
they turned out.