Ugly on the inside
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2001-09-24 00:20:03 (UTC)


It's about 8 right now and i'm tired... even though i've
slept all weekend. Again, another weekend has passed and
yet again i find myself wanting to crawl into my closet
like i did when i was younger. only then, i acutally fit
and i felt like i was able to escape reality.
reality is all to real for me.
after the 11th i told myself that i would always try to
find something good in life. i'm at that point again where
i can't seem to find anything. it's not that i don't want
to find anything, it's more like i've become desensitized
to everything... (now i have tool stuck in my head). after
not talking to anyone at all this weekend and NO ONE
calling me or emailing me it really makes me wonder. do
people really care what's going on. what if i didn't show
up for school for a week? would they care then? would
anyone call? i don't get many calls to begin with so i
guess i shouldn't expect them now. I feel kinda bad about
wanting "pity" (i wish there was another way to say that)
but i don't feel loved right now by anyone, not even my
friends. when i don't feel some sort of emotion towards me
then i crave it and then i'll do just about anything to get
it. ::::gasps::: i can't believe i just admitted that to
myself! woah! argh. school tomorrow, scary madame
Rapehagghen or however the hell you spell those scary
German names.
my dogs paw is on my foot... it's kinda cute in that *i
want to kick it in the head* type of way. someone once told
me that violent thoughts towards animals was one of the
first signs of crimial/cerial killer type of behavior.
zoops. oh i mean... uhhh...
"i feel like a volture, waiting for a man to die" lol...
good old prime time tv...

i'm staring at my buddy list just to look at all of the
people on there happily chatting away with everyone else
and here i am with a name that no one knows and no one
cares about .blah.... i want to go out... do something, but
there's nothing to do and no one to go with and being
lonely while driving around just makes it worse. i'm
brought back to the ska show at the well last friday...
when i was driving home i felt like complete crap. blah.
i'm gonna go i can't write anymore. i feel like my mom is
reading over my shoulder.

*and i feel this coming over like a storm again* -tooL

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