self destruction introduction
Yesterday I had so much fun. I sold some patches at chump
change, the punk markets and then went drinking with some
Wellington punk girls I'm friends with. We went and
explored an abandoned house..after much pulling and pushing
climbing and deliberating we decided the most effective way
to get inside would be to kick the door down. Which we did.
the door flew open and the three of us stood in awe gazing
inside and preparing for an adventure when an extremley
loud alarm went off scaring us all half to death. We ran to
the community gardens and hid in the corner which smelt
like rabbit shit and compost.
My hair is in pin spikes, I smell strongly of soap. I wish
Steph would appear. She didn't call me yesterday I hardly
thought about her and when I realised I was happy in my
carelessness but now I feel as if I'm constantly looking
over my shoulder - hoping to see her. it's so dumb.
On friday night I went out drinking with my flatmates it
was great but I left a bit early so as to meet Steph
unfortunatly I fell asleep while awaiting her presence. I
woke up to her kissing my ear and me saying something about
how good she smelt. She looked good too.
We spent the first normal night together in ages. I didn't
behave like a passive aggressive brat and she didn't act
I think perhapse she's going to come over tomorrow night. I
feel as if our relationship is in tatters a bit. oh well, I
guess time will tell...I feel bewildered and cheated over
the whole thing. I'm irritated with her for being so
resolved. Was I asking too much? did I get lust confused
with love? will any of this work out?