Shiningstar

pressing on
2003-02-12 06:51:23 (UTC)

02.11.03 missing you

Lord God-
I wonder if I want to try this hard to get everything
back on track with Kels. I mean sometimes it is just so
hard. I love her so much, but I am wearing myself out here
trying to do this. I know that she loves me, and I think
part of this is my fault- or a large amount of this is my
fault. I should have never lied to her, but it takes two to
tango and I can't fix it all. I have tried so hard to show
her I do care, but I just don't know how much more I can
take. I love her so much and would do anything for her,
but how much more do I have to take before I go off the
deep end and I swear she is going to come with me. Nothing
I do is ever going to fix this...I swear- but I will keep
trying because it is worth it. I love her too much to give
up on her Lord. Lord, please give me patience and the
strength to get through this. I know I messed up and
sometimes it is hard to look at myself and forgive myself
but I am doing it Lord, I am going to make it because with
you all things are possible. Just please guide me and hold
me in your warm embrace where I know I am safe.
Will called tonight. He apologized about not calling me on
Sunday night when I freaked out on him. Yes, freaked-
surprised he still calls. But Lord, he is amazing and I am
sorry I sinned with him, but he is a good friend- and I
really do care about him, but it is better that we aren't
together, because now I can do Your will. Lord- I know
people are going to make fun of me for my faith and I know
I will struggle...but I am starting over again. No more
smoking, no more drinking, no more sex before marriage. No
more lies or hurting people or judging people before I meet
them. Lord- please just guide me to this place and let me
know what it is I need to do. Lord- you are amazing in
every single way and the only way for me to be happy is to
live a life fullfilling what you have asked of me. I know
because that is the only time in life I have ever been
happy. I love you God and you are the only thing that I
want to live for. Please give me strengh and provide me
with the hope and ability to be your hands and your feet.
Lord- please bless Becky as she has auditions coming up.
Give her strength and hope that she will do well with her
auditions. Lord- bless Waiting For Autumn as they struggle
to get their band up and to get their message out! Bless
them Lord! Lord- also bless my family and my friends as
well as the relationship I have with Kels right now. We
really need to work on this and I hope that with your help
we will get through it ok. Please just give both of us
strength. Give me courage Lord.

In your precious name
Cass




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