2001-09-23 19:30:34 (UTC)

ok now

well here i am,
here being up at school, at one of the villas, where they
finally got these comps running again... i say up at school
because this estate is at the top of a big hill thats kinda
a bitch to walk up, but i am getting used to it.
when i have class here, i usually get here early, open up
the shutters that are as big as i am and i look out at the
rolling gardens and pathways and villas that is the campus,
a little farther down are the rooftops of florence and the
mountains. niiiiiiiiiiiiiice.

on saturday i did some shit i needed to do. i was having a
faith crisis in light of what was going on at home while i
was across the ocean. that i wont talk about right now. all
i knew was that i was here. and here i will remain until
december, that being a cold hard fact i knew i had to get
that feeling back into my bones ASAP, the feeling that
brought me here in the first place.

so i went to visit David again. cause if
anything can make me remember why i am who i am and love
what i love and why i am HERE and should not be THERE, its
him, and he can do it the second i lay my eyes on him. And
for just seven dollars!!! there is self confidence and
tension all through his body and you can almost see his
pulse, see him breathing and my favorite is his eyebrows and
right above his eyes the lower part of his forehead because
thats where his doubt meets his self confidence and i think
that is what makes him so perfect, because he is human but
he knows he knows he is gonna protect what he needs to
protect,ensure freedom, he knows he has that one shot to do
it, and he knows he will. Everyone feels this way, we all
do, and that is why thousands of people have cried before
him everyday for the past 500 years. so yeah, hes a good
thing to visit when doubting the validity and usefulness of
then i went to the Duomo, the main huge gaudy cathedral in
the center of town to go to english mass. which i think ill
make a habit of, as the priest just picked up on what i was
writing in the cafe earlier... i was thinking about that
story they tell about the block of marble michelangelo made
David out of, how it was an abandoned impossible piece that
no sculptor could use. how michelaneglo saw it, saw david
already in it, and the marble became soft for him. i was
thinking how i cannot force things, i cant force anything,
be it what i want to write, what i want to do, relationships
i want to have, the way i want the world to be, anything,
that i know what it feels like to zone out and have
something appear before me and i know it will happen again.
because that is the way that things happen and that is the
way that i want them to. i know it will come to me, i know
it will pass through me i know i have the room for it to
pass through and now i will do all i can in the meantime.
The priest gave a homily about how jesus passes through us
like magic, creating things for us, and while we are waiting
for jesus we have to make sure we keep our souls burning
bright, he said that over and over, keep your souls burning
bright, through everything, while you are waiting.

alright well thats all for now. hahahahha.