12StringDreams

12 String Dreams Journal
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2001-09-23 10:39:34 (UTC)

Fate's Game

I have an appointment to schedule a time to relax sometime
next week. I figure if I plan everything carefully,
everything will be done correctly, and I can put the
finishing touches on this week freeing up the next to do
what I want.

The whirlwind is bound to subside, they always do. I just
can't figure out how I always get caught up in them. Is it
the direction I travel or the speed I commute. Is it timing
or lack there of. I keep waiting for things to get easier
but they never do.

I make the obstacles I try to navigate around. I pave the
roads I try to avoid. I clear the skies then search out the
clouds, fly blindly into them straining to see past the
immediate future.

I know I'm not the only one doing this but sometimes it
feels that way. Sometimes the only escape is inside us, and
sometimes that's the hardest route to take.

I tried reaching out but that's never been my strong point.
I tried hiding, something I've perfected so well over the
years but I got sick and tired of being alone.

Hide and seek is no fun when everyone one is afraid to find
you.

Truth or dare is boring when everyone is afraid to ask too
much.

Life is a game, fate writes the rules, we just play, win or
lose. Between the games we observe others playing and try
to relate to them and their games. We compare our out come
to theirs and take pride when our game lasted longer or had
more memorable moments. Sometimes between the games I
wonder why I feel the need to play again. It's not the
prize, there is no trophy. It's not the experience, I
usually forget more then I learn while preparing to play
again. It might be the enjoyment of waiting to see the out
come. I sometimes prefer to lose just to see the happiness
on my opponents face. I too enjoy winning but what's there
to enjoy then.

Maybe I think too much. Maybe the rules were incomplete
when they describe the object of the game. I always swore I
would sit down and re-write the rules to suit myself but I
can never seem to find the time. There's always another
round beginning. Shuffle the cards, shake the dice, throw
out the pieces and count the money. Don't be surprised if
the board don't sit quite right, many times it's the table
not the game.


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