12StringDreams

12 String Dreams Journal
2001-09-23 10:17:53 (UTC)

Timeline of Change

I retraced my steps which only took a few moments. The good
bye hug, first kiss, every fight and the final good bye all
took place with in a few feet of each other. I can feel the
emotions change with each step. From the best of times to
the worst of times. From dreams to nightmares.

Amazing what can occur in a short period of time.

Amazing what the heart can endure and what the heart just
cannot take.

I still feel her touch in everything I do. I still hear her
voice in my head.

My hand aches with the dull pain that comes from anger and
confusion. The walls remain scared from the frustration.
The only thing that does not hurt is the memory I keep in
my heart.

So many things I would have told her if I wasn't so afraid.
So many things I would have done if only given the chance.
I look back now and see the time wasted and the chances
given. I see the times I sat quite when I could have said
what was on my mind.

Close we we're but so little time had past that I never
felt as comfortable as I had hoped. I know it might have
been asking too much. Or maybe if I would have asked, more
would have been given. I just never learned to trust that
much.

It's been a learning process. This process continues today,
tomorrow, and probably forever. I don't mind learning but
does it always have to be a the cost of failure. Never have
I misunderstood the simple, seen the complex, and still had
no idea what was going on. The need to run gets stronger as
the desire to stay seems to fade. I'm running out of
reasons not to run.

Hello....

Good bye....

Welcome back....

I'll see you later....

The words seem to lose their meaning as they get spoken
again.

Something has to bend....

Something has to give....

Something has to change....

There is always something that has to do something. We want
things done with as little effort as possible. We want to
bend the rules without playing the game. We want to give of
ourselves with out lending a hand to hold. We want for
changes then run from the unknown.