eidolon

lost ...

... i thought what we had was friendship ...
... the kind of friendship that has trust ...
... trust not to hurt me ... trust that is so difficult for me to give ...
... you had it ...
... the kind of friendship that has a touching of souls ...
... closeness of spirit .. caring of heart ...
... all that and so much more ...

... it was what i thought we had .. it was what i felt for you ...
... my heart was yours .. not romantically .. but yours all the same ...
... my loyalty was yours ...
... my trust .. in you .. pristine ...
... my faith in you strong ...

... you were my reassurance ...

... the soul i thought that i had touched in you was - well, if not pure - it was sincere ...

... i guess that i was wrong ...
... i do not regret having met you ...
... i do not regret having given you that large place within my heart ...
... i do not regret having given you my trust ...
... for you have helped me in more ways than you could ever imagine ...
... you began my recovery ... my healing ...

... and i thank you for that ...

... i just wish i'd pulled back sooner .. as to not feel the pain of rejection ...
... the breaking of that trust that i found (and still find) so hard to give ...
... and i wish i could understand ...

... but perhaps i'm not meant to ...