Finding my Light
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Pains of the Heart
Sorry I haven't been writing latey to whom ever has
been reading this. I just got really busy lately. Well
there's really nothing to say about that. I might as well
just get to the point of what's ben on my mind lately and
really for the past year.
To start with when I was a freshman in high school (I
am a junior now) I met this sweet guy named Joe. He was
sweet and very nice and he liked me, but I didn't like
him. Hate to say that he just didn't meet what I wanted in
To tell you I want a boyfriend that has good grades, a
car, and/or a job. He had the grades, but that was it.
You see I have dated a guy who didn't have a car nor a job
and well I'm not doing that ever again. I felt like I was
the man of the relationship! Sorry to sound a little
snobbish, but I refuse to date guys now that are less then
what I want. I want to beable to date a guy and in the
future say proudly that yeah I dated him. Rather then date
a guy with no future and find him on "America's Most
Wanted" sometime in the future.
To get back to the story we broke apart in not the best
manner. I thought that it would be good that I just stayed
away for a while and let time heal things. Well now after
over a year has passed things changed. He now is the guy I
wnat to date. He has the grades, car, and job. He is now
on requirement what I think is "perfect."
Problem now is that I think he hates me and I'm scared
to talk to him. He's now everything I want, but because of
our kind of shaky past I don't he wants anything to do with
me. I wish I could go back into the past and change
things, but I know I can't and I know I have to deal with
this pain knowing that I messed up for a long time.
You know what I wish though? I wish I could get brave
enough to tell him face to face that I'm sorry and tell him
everything n why I did the things I did. The pain get more
entense every time I see him and I am reminded of my
ignorance and stupidity.
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