madeline

September 22nd, 2001

"In Italy, there's always chickens, but no eggs. In Africa
there's eggs, but never chickens. Who separated them?"

MUSIC: Bush- Machinehead
Mood: Antsy

Well, Brian has come and gone. I think I've had the most
enjoyable few days of my life. It was the saddest thing
when he left. We layed in my bed for the last couple hours
together and just talked about all the good times we've had
in the past. I layed on his stomach and kissed him after
almost every word. I cryed a lot. I wish there was a
better way for this to work. We called a cab and they took
him away early this morning to the airport. I wish I could
describe the feeling I had. It was like someone stole
something from me. I had it, was totally enjoying it.
Then it was gone. I can't really put it into words. It's
like how you feel when you find out Santa isn't real. Just
like nothing is real. It makes you question everything. I
keep asking myself. What am I doing in Boston?? Why am I
such a moron, I should be with him. I am really killing
myself here. I miss him so much. We chatted when he got
home. It wasn't the same. I wrote him a letter (2
actually). I wrote one to my mom and sister too. He
wanted me to call and wake him up, but everytime I try he
doesn't pick up. He must be really sleepy. He sent me the
sweetest present, a cactus. Oh, while he was here I
pierced my nose. It didn't hurt too bad. Briny was there
to hold my hand. It was wierd, they stuck this metal tube
up my nose and it felt like someone was picking my nose.
Hehehe I got a picture taken with the girl who did it. She
was scary looking. She had tons of tattoos and her ears
were really streched out with plugs. We also went to an
inning of a baseball game at Fenway Park. I have never
been there so it was kewl. We went and saw Harvard. I
have never been there before. We found a crepe resturant.
It was good, and it's like our place. Hehehe, he's never
been there with that other stoopid bitch he went out with.
So for me it tasted better. Even though in real life it
didn't. I can't help but hate her. She always emails
him. I swear everytime he checks his mail there is at
least one mail from her. It's really annoying to me. I
mean, what is she thinking? Does she want him back? I
don't email any of my friends that religiously. Not even
my sister, and we are super close. Ahhhh!!! It drives me
insane and he just doesnt understand. Does anyone have any
pointers. What can I say to make him realize how insane it
drives me? I honestly want to just e-mail her and tell her
to stop or i'm gonna fucking kick her ass. If you think
I'm joking, I'm not. It really makes me that mad. Well,
I'm going to be making a trip back to CA soon. I don't
want to go. I hate flying and it seems like I left Orange
County for a reason. Why am I going back?? I didn't even
want to go back for x-mas. Briny wants me to come back
though. So i will go for him. It will be much easier when
he graduates and will stay here with me until I graduate.
Well I guess I better go, friendly cups are calling my
name. If you don't know what those are...you are really
missing out.

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