_~*Ash*~_

Not Every Day You See This Stuff
2003-02-09 22:25:42 (UTC)

*sighs* another one...

Just cause im stuck at home consumed by this horid
computer. i dont want to be here. i want to leave. but
alas, not for quite some time yet. I was reading this girls
journal and i realized that i am not the only one that
feels like i do. she can articulate much better than i will
ever be able to do. so i will leave the pouring out of my
feelings up to her. i am in awe of some of the things she
said. really, she is very intelligent. and i cannot wait to
read her journal again. I guess that i am hopeful. smiles*
im actually glad that someone feels as down as i do... am i
a bad person? especially for wanting someone to relate to?
God if only most of the people i talk to knew half of the
shyt that i put up with. i cant understand some of the
things that they do to me. hold me down whn i need to
stand. hold a pillow over my face so i cant breathe,
blindfold me so that i cant see, and keep my pens so that i
cant express my true feelings. i wonder... like the girl
said "why do people get mad when someone perpously harms
themselves? do they not understand that all we need is
someone to listen and not yell?" i think that is one of the
things that i can relate to. i just wanted someone to
listen, but all i ever get is someone mad and turning their
back on me. Therepists take away my pens and paper and
crayons and colored pencils and paint and pencils and
pastels and anything else that i can use to express my self
through art. the only thing that they haven taken away is
the computer. and i am so damn happy. my brother gives me
pens and paper for school nd we have random pieces of paper
around the house, that i draw on, but then i hide the
pictures so that i cant get in trouble. and when they ask
me to draw for them i found a way around it... i now draw
rainbows and "happy people" so that they will give me my
thing back sooner. The things that i write in here come off
the top of my brain, if anything that i say in here offends
any one i am not sorry. the things i say are what some
people will never be able to. i want to get my oppions
across and if you dont like them... i dont care.
_~*Ash*~_




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