just me...
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2003-02-09 13:50:33 (UTC)

i hated every instant of it...

today started off alrite...nothing too horrible...just
like every other day. but yea, so today was a good kathy-
kris day, for a while. then a phone call changed it all.
bird favorite person. mrs. stadler called kris
and told him to come over to the gate (we were at my
house) to say goodbye to her cuz she's leaving tomorrow
morning... yea, birdie...she actually went and SAT at his
house and WAITED til his mom got home... can you believe
her?! the nerve of her...after cheatin on
kris...everything she did to him...she has the nerve to
come around and still talk to his mom...and his family. i
don't understand her. and mrs. stadler...being the
sweetest lady that she is...actually talks to her... but
anyways, so we went over to the gate, and he got in the
car and talked to her while me and mrs. stadler stood
outside and talked. those 30-45 minutes that they were
sayin bye, felt like the longest of my life. the whole
time they were sitting in the car...i was thinkin like a
billion thoughts at once... "what's taking so long? what
are they talking about? if he doesn't wanna be with her,
then why is he still in there? why can't he just walk
away from her? does he wanna be with her?" to name a
few...i was gonna go crazy. then, finally, mrs. stadler
went to tell them to hurry it up cuz birdie was supposed
to meet up with her mom. yea so she got outta the car,
and it was clear she had cried (damn drama queen) and she
went over and hugged him a couple times...and i guess he
said something...but she was laughin and smilin and
stuff... and so she hugged him some more...and i just
can't bear to look at 'em... it was tearin me apart.
seein them together and happy like they were...something i
never ever wanted to see in my life... and it was tearin
me apart...he actually seemed like he might be happy with
her... :*( so he came over after sayin goodbye...and he
didn't seem upset...he was fine. that's good cuz he
wasn't upset about her leavin...not a word about hatin her
or anything... so on the walk back to my house, i was
quiet and just real hurt and upset...and he was worried
for a while, but after so many rejected attempts to find
out what was on my mind...he stopped... and at my house,
he were layin in my bed, at opposite ends and not touchin
or talkin... and after about 5 minutes...he sat up and
said he was gonna go home cuz i was mad and he dind't know
why... and that's when i told him i was upset because he
looked like he was actually happy with her...and then, the
tears. i cried so hurt...and i was scared. i
know she's leaving and i know nothing is gonna happen, but
seein them like that...made me wonder if he still loves
her...or wants her...or anything's her... :( and of
course, being the wonderful kris that he is, he held me,
and told me he loved me and that no matter what he wasn't
gonna let anything separate us and that he didn't wanna be
with anyone else in the world and stuffs~ ya know...all
the right words...for the perfect moments (he's so good at
that...) yea. but i hated it...hated every second of it
with every ounce of my body... thank the Lord that she is
leaving tomorrow...won't ever have to see her again.
she'll be gone forever... but no matter what, she's always
gonna be around...she was his first pretty much
everything. why? i don't understand...but i'll get over
everything...with time... and lots of it, but the day will
come when she doesn't matter...just hope it's sooner than
later. thanks kris, and jessica, and billy, i love you

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