melly

welcome to melly
2003-02-09 09:37:35 (UTC)

How it all started?

I'm watching myself fall apart piece by piece. i'm not
sure when it all started coming apart, it was probably a
gradual thing and it's only now i'm realizing everything
thats gone.
I lost my close friends some time ago, I didn't notice at
the time but i was drifting far away, to a place they
wouldn't even imagine. The place i am now. where the hurt
it more painful than a thousand knives in your chest.
where the happiness is brief and the dominant feeling is
grief.
I lost my self worth a long long time ago. I remember
this one. In elementary school, everyone else looked so
good, and i was just there, Watching them shine. It
continued into juniour high where i was too fat to fit in.
(or so i was told). I don't think *I* lost my self worth,
i think it was taken from me. All anyone cared about was
that i was funny. Melly was funny. bottom line. Nothing
else mattered.. the fact that inside i was dying to break
free and show people who i really was didn't matter. As
long as i could be witty they wanted me around. The
things that mattered the most to me (ie. my music) was
nothing to them.


Before i get too into this writing and too much pain
comes out i'm going to end it. Try to go back to bed. I
had a nightmare... just hope it doesn't start again when i
close my eyes. Then again, a nightmare asleep is probably
better than the one i live awake.




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