My Heart and Soul....
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2003-02-09 02:19:49 (UTC)


Well, I know I haven't written in a while. I don't know why.
Lots of reasons I guess.

I'm back on my medicine. I guess it's helping some. I'm back
in school. It's stressful, and I get really tired really
easy. But I have to go. I hate it. I can't wait until

David: Oh boy. What a crazy situation. He and I have been
talking every night. Just casual conversation. But I like
that. I miss talking to him. Last weekend, he called, and
convinced me to come over to Ithaca to his friends house. So
I went, cause, DUH, I wanted to see him. So I went over. We
ended up playing cards, and I drank. Which was stupid. Cause
of course, I got all upset. He and I talked for like 2
hours. Didn't really resolve anything, but I told him how I
felt, and everything thats been going on for the last year.
It felt good to tell him. He said that he was kinda with
someone. Not really anything serious, just sex, cause he
hates relationships and doesn't have them. Which upset me
cause he had someone, but it was ok, cause he didn't sound
like he cared about her too much. I ended up staying at his
friend Josh and Danny's house all weekend. Had a great time.
Char came over Saturday night, and we met a lot of really
fun people. I had a good time. The bad thing being that his
friend Josh now likes me...and I kinda like him, we've been
chilling some, and talking every night. But, I told david on
thursday night, that I won't be able to get with him,
because of my feelings for David. I hate that, because
that's how it's been with every guy for the last year. David
is weird about the whole thing. He says he still cares about
me, but then he tries to convince me to hook up with Josh.
IDK...I think most of that is him trying to see if I'm
laying about my feelings for him, and if I'll just get with
any guy. Which I won't, because I still love him too much,
and he knows that. I hope that he and I can hang out more,
but IDk, cause he works ALL the time now, and I don't have
my car on the road right now, so getting together is a pain
in the ass.

So...right now I'm going to just keep my fingers crossed,
and pray an awful lot, and hope that things work out. Maybe
they will, maybe that won't. I don't really know at this point.

I don' know what else there is going on. Not really anything
I guess. Just stressed out a lot. But what else is new, right?

My emotions are crazy, like always, and I hate school, like
always. Family is stressing me out, cause they are all on my
case to make sure that I get my shit back together for the
second semester. Which is a lot easier said that done, and I
really don't think any of them realize that. But, what are
ya gonna do, they're family.

Army: this is arything thats been going on, i really don't
think I'm going to be able to handle it emotionally. I
really think that college would be safer for me. I'm sending
my apps in to Fl State, and Miami, and maybe UFL, I'll have
to see.
killer one. I don't really think I'm going. With everthing
thats been going on, I just think that would be the best
plan. So...I'll try to keep everyone updated.

Thanks for sticking with me. Remember I love you all.

Keep smiling. (It makes people wonder what you are up to.)