batgirl

everywish
2003-02-08 21:48:51 (UTC)

yesterday I cried, must have been relived to see the softer side.

I had a dream the other night... it wasn't a bad dream,
except that it scares me because I know that what happened
in it, thats what I want. Not that I don't already have a
reason to be troubled.
People are so stupid... so so stupid, they dont even know
what they are saying. I hurt so much right now and I can't
belive it. Check the metro section... enough said. I
don't even know if I care anymore... But this is my dance,
me taking the risk, right?
I wrote something the other day, its a little to long for
an away message, and I put it edited a bit in my info, but
i need to post it somewhere else too. I doubt he'll ever
see this, but I am dancing.

"I want someone to make me laugh, laugh so hard that there
will be tears of joy, instead of pain. I want someone to
hug me, and tell me everything will be ok - you know, I
never got my hug. That was a long time ago, and now its
back. Its happening again, all over... everything is
haunting me... I remember why you were so wonderful now-
why I was so afraid to loose you. Because you made me so
happy when I was so down. You made me smile when I felt the
world cave in on me. You knew what to say, all the time.
People would raise their eyebrows when I said you were one
of my best friends- but I knew, I knew that you were
different. You're not the one you pretend to be. Before I
wanted you back, standing by my side, looking the world in
the eye. Now I need you back, I need that hug, and I need
that whisper that things will be ok again. I need it now."

He knows who he is, and things will never be the same. I
realize now why he was so wonderful, something I can't see
everyday unless I look.
I am tired, exhauseted, weak and shaking... My chest is
heavy, and a solid lump sits in my throat...

I started my site - finally, and this one i think i will
actually keep up with. Only the first page is done, and
nothing is centered exactley like I want it to be, but I
will have to deal with it for now... Progress is coming
slowly... I will put up writing and stuff soon in the
future.
Music is beautiful... it truely is.
Regis and Kelly was interrupted yesterday by a 'speacial
report' it was at a really funny part too... If i wanted
to knoe the news, then I would be watching it... uggh.
I refuse to live in fear, and I wont. Atleast not fear of
that.

I need a hug... really bad.




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