LUNA

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2003-02-08 08:37:07 (UTC)

I thought was was the one...

I do not know myself at this point. He is really good at
making one question that. I miss him but then I am glad not
to be arguing about mexicains crossing our borders
illegally. I would rather talk about the baby boy growing
inside of me. He is just disappointed that its not a girl.
I tried calling him last night to see where we stood, if
there was some glimmer of hope that we may be able to work
things out... After he was on the internet most of the
night I got through. I know what he does when he stays on
that long.. He hadn't even thought about calling me, and
why? Because he doesn't care. I went up there today to take
a few things of mine and decided, shoot, I may as well take
the ultra sound pics with me. He probably looks at them in
sorrow for knocking up somone and heaven forbid its a boy.
He's sitting there tonight drinking alone..He took it upon
himself to call my dad when we broke it off before. I found
him standing on my back steps peering in my windows because
he was so consumed with finding another man with me. He
even went as far as to put the computer to the net to pose
as him being home on the net or on the phone. And I sit
here 5 months pregnant, at my mother's house again,
wondering what I am gonna do? The housing authority has no
funding, I get no assistance because I recieve child
support for my 4 year old...I quit my job because I am
schooling full time and work was getting difficult. ( I
worked in a parts store and was required to lift cases of
oil and antifreeze) I sit here in shock wondering what I
should do, what can I do? I have no one left to talk to
about this as I have lost friends from conflicts with him.
He has tried getting my family to turn on me by calling
them up and rubbing thier nose in what is NOT thier
business. This is between him and I, I believe that he
needs serious counceling. He believes that I should scold
my 4 year old daughter for wetting herself. This happens
from time to time and its not just because, she gets
excited and playing and forgets that she has to go. Many
kids do the same, I have witnessed my neice and cousins
alike. Now, if I scold her what good is that? I sure as
shit don't tell her that its a good thing, we talk about
it. I ask her why, then I explain to her that its iky and
next time when she feels it comming on to go potty in the
toilet. She understands this. He comes right back saying
that I am the child and she is the adult..He a freaking
child. This proves it!! I will not consider reuniting
unless he is willing to go to counseling...Quit drinking
too maybe?? Jerk.


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