maggie

SpLoOShER1
2003-02-08 03:58:10 (UTC)

explanation...

hmm well the reason that i put all those anderson and aaron
convos in here was becasue i just tohught about how my
parents could read all my files....and i decided that if
they were in here she couldnt....better safe then
sorry...yea after reading through them i guess i realize
even more how much people lie about every day
life...telling people that they love eachother...not
meaning it...crushing people...not caring...all that kind
of stuff... it actaully makes me really sad inside to tihnk
of that...sumtimes so sad that i just want to die i mean
its not liek i cut mysefl or anything its just like i feel
like i want to just lie down and die in my sleep...see if
anyone noticed...cared....see who came to my
funerall....who cried....who pretended...what people wanted
to say tto me before i died but they coudnt becasue it was
already to late...how my family....my sister espeically
would re-act to it...if anyone was happy....or maybe even
if anyone had to go to therapy(if anyone)...i bet if anyone
it would be my mother... i swear she has problems but i
guess its just the whole "mid-life crisis" thing. today i
talked on the phone with vanessa for about and hour or two
and we talked about who we wanted to die...my list so far
was casey(bitch) landon(bitches bf) aaron(bitches best
friend who i really care about but i duno its just gay and
wierd) and eric(ex-bf doesnt talk 2 me) jenny(acts sweet
but is just like casey) and jessika(fake)....i dont want to
care about any of them but i do... i do alot and i just
want to forget about them and any relationship i ever had
with any of them...but life cant be that way altough i
really wish it could...back on topic though, vanessa was
sad becasue allie had ditched her AGAIN....so i did my good
dead of the day and helped vanessa calm down and get to her
regualr just half way depressed self rather than her fully
sucicdal personality-i guess life is as good as it is going
to get this year... i mean my grades are doing pretty
welll...family life is okay other than the fact i got
caught sneaking out and now my parents dont trust me for my
life...sister and i r okay...pete still smokes but i cover
4 him as alwayz! no friends or real ones anywayz...its
amazign though about how i alwayz listen to people cry and
cry to me and i help them but when im sad they are alwayz
busy...amazing shit




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