Blue Castle reverie

My Saga
2001-09-22 04:17:31 (UTC)

Fractured Fairy Tale

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess. And even
though she had neither a shining castle, nor a handsome
prince, she was happy. But as she grew up, she began to
look more and more at the tapestries hanging in the
hallways of the castles, depicting maidens of impossible
radiance. And every time she looked in the mirror, her
image became more and more distorted, as she tried
desperately to find the features of those ethereal
depictions in her lovely, but only human body. And though
she laughed and smiled for her subjects, inside she felt
more and more worthless. She knew she could be beautiful,
that it was somewhere inside her, it was just a matter of
fixing what was wrong with herself. And so, at the banquet
table, she began to eat less and less of the delecacies
placed before her. Eventually, no more than a handful of
food would pass her lips each week, as she sat before the
court, laughing, and smiling, her trembling hand holding
only a glass of water. But when she still could find no
trace of the elusive beings in herself, she began to
despair, and turned to the food that she had so long
shunned as a means of escape. And when she saw the pounds
begin to accumulate, she panicked, and reached her
beautiful finger down her smooth throat, and out poured the
bile, scarring her throat, bringing tears to her eyes, and
leaving her coughing and spluttering, but with a feeling of
calm control and purpose, as her finger rose again, and
again. For all the seeming power she had, the only thing
that let her feel control left her gasping and shaking.
Just as if an evil spell possesed her body, she was
trapped. She couldn't stop binging, and she couldn't stop
purging. Around and around she travelled, in a trajic
circle with no end in sight; no destination, save self
destruction. The control she so desperataly sought had
been relinquished to a far crueler demon. She wanted to
stop, but it was such a struggle. Before she'd even
realize it, she would be bent over in the latrine, stomach
emptied of the hateful contents. Yet she kept fighting.
And eventually, although she couldn't always stop eating,
she managed to keep the food down, even though she gained
weight, and ...and I'll tell when I reach the end.