Nowhere man please listen. . . .
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2003-02-08 00:55:16 (UTC)

Febuary 7, 2003

I have to give up Matt. I just HAVE to...

He's still ignoring me. For what reason- I dunno! One
day he's beggin me fer a blow job during school n saying
he was gonna fuck me in the green houses and then one day
day - BAM - Not talkin to Jess Mullen any more. Nope nope
nope! It's been how many days again? 4 or was it 5 days
since he last spoke to me?

I tried to talk to him during lunch yesterday- but he
totally blew me off. I tried to start conversation n he
was like- Uh yup, n turned the other way. I was like whoa-
NOT FAIR! It's deffinately not fair to me! I have
waited a whole month for him to talk to me once, but at
least that time he didn't confirm that he wants me as much
as i want him...

I dunno if I can wait that long again...

Everybody as been telling me to leave him be.
EVERYONE. Not one person has anything good to say about
him. And yet I still continue to defend him. Why do I do
it, you ask? Well lemme tell you- I HAVE NO FRIGGIN IDEA!

But i just like him so damn much, and you can just turn
that off. It will take time i suppose. And it's gonna
suck, but i think it needs to be done. He's too
stressful. And I don't want to give up on him, but i have
to. I have to abandon my save chaput mission because it
has officialy turned into mission impossible. There is
just no pleasing this man unless his dick is in yer mouth-
and even that is hard to make an appointment for.

So I just have to give up and move on. I mean i'm not
boy crazy- my life doesn't revolve around getting guys and
controling my hormones. Even though I'm probably the
person who fears being lonely the most. I'm a very lonely
kid, have you ever been to my website? lol. The world
doesn't revolve around boys, and i never want it to. I
just want that one guy that will always be there- and he
will love me just as much, if not more, than i love him.
Is that really a lot to ask for?

Apparently it is.