random scribbles
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2003-02-07 23:00:56 (UTC)


[music - yeah yeah yeahs - mood - relieved on the whole]

well basically today's news is excellent - michael's
is stable and unless something goes seriously wrong he will
okay. that news put a brightener on the whole day, week,
everything and so the little bit of bad stuff that happened
doesn't really matter. i guess i'll note it down anyway.
being the idiot that i am, i actually care about this.

so. i called louie to see what was going on at the hospital,
he told me the good news, it was all really nice. i asked
if there was anything i could do and he said that sean and
maria would appreciate it a lot if i came to visit, but he
thought that it was a bad idea. i asked him why. he told me
that "he really didn't need to see me right now."
this is typical of him... thinking of nobody but himself...
i got pretty angry. started shouting about how michael could
have died and that if sean wanted me to come visit then that
was a lot more important than louie not wanting to see me.
hmm. he realised that he'd slipped up so it was back to that
old: emze... you've taken everything the wrong way... i
just mean that i don't want to be arguing or anything in
front of them. i don't want to seem like our problems are
more important than theirs. reh reh reh.
i can't take a word he says seriously. he is by far the
most important person in his world - which i suppose is
to a certain extent true of all of us - but he thinks
that he's the most important person in everyone else's too.
and the scary thing is that he is one of the most
important people in mine.

well basically it looks like i won't go visit michael until
louie goes back to leicester. which sucks firstly because
it makes it look like i don't care that much and secondly
because (i hate myself for writing this) i won't get
to see louie. well i can't believe i actually feel that
way but i've got to be honest right.

so i was just a little pissed off after that phone call. but
the important thing is that michael's okay, and i'm so
happy for them all.

in other news... i had my biology synoptic exam this
i overslept and didn't get to revise, so it was pretty
i tidied and cleaned my room and put loads more pictures up.
pictures of newcastle and of bsp, which make me very very
every time i look at them. i love my room so much now.
in the afternoon i met up with anna a the twins for
coffee. things are sort of okay with me and anna a now.
a little weird. but we talked yesterday and she helped me
about michael: "I hope everything is ok but whatevers you
got a shoulder
to cry on in me, just don't wear mascara." :)
afterwards punkanna and i (the official grannies) came back
to mine
for our baking - dream holiday home marathon. we didn't
win this week. but we've got a good feeling about next time.
we made rice pudding, bread and butter pudding and cupcakes.
the rice pudding didn't work but the other 2 were amazing,
i now feel very sick.

one of the best things was, edd got a promo copy of the new
ataris album and punkanna brought it over. some of it
sounds quite a lot like their old stuff, but some of it is
very different - good, just different. it will take a few
listens for me to really fall in love with it, but there
were 2 outstanding songs... saddest song is SO beautiful,
and also they did a cover of boys of summer, i've loved
that song for ages, and the cover rules. :)

i love hanging out with punkanna so much. she is just the
person ever. we talked lots about america. how she will be
the new crissie yiannou (no idea how to spell that name) and
i will work in her denver offices after i've graduated with
a few useless philosophy degrees. we talked about that
when she first met edd. i relied on her so much then, and
was a true friend. that summer was just such a blast. (we
sure had a blast... i'm sorry that you're living in the
i'll never forget all the fun we had. we talked about my
obsession with mean guys (what is that with me?!) and about
all sorts really.

i'm listening to tindersticks now and i'm feeling pretty
but i think i've rambled on enough for today, and if anyone
is actually reading this, i think i've probably bored
you enough... sorry.

*you've been thinking about the time you've been dreading.
now it seems that moment has arrived.
she's at the edge of the bed. she gets in.
but it's hard to turn the opposite way tonight*

i just realised i don't sound that excited about michael
okay. i am. don't get me wrong. it's just i found out quite
a few hours ago and i've sort of calmed now. but i am
so, so pleased. if there is a god watching out for us,
then -

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