Book of Suicide
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2003-02-06 21:14:09 (UTC)

angry wounds

why is it that when a person purposely harms themself, that
another gets mad? why is it that they feel anger instead
of remorse or empathy for its own kin? is the sorrow that
its brother feels not plain enough? and then why do they
insist on adding acid to the wound by insulting him? why
do they go on to preach that their love should be enough?
can't they realize that they only make it worse when they
do so? why wont they hug you, hold you, listen to you?
that's almost always what we want, a listener. sometimes
we'll cut, get yelled at, feel worthless, and cut all the
deeper. where is OUR voice? why are we so quickly
dismissed as merely those who "do it for attention"? if we
wanted attention, we could do it a million different ways,
many less painful. but many of those opportunities leave
someone else in power and command. if we want to hurt
ourselves, we want to be the controllers, we know how much
pain we can tolerate. when someone else is hurting us they
can exceed our limits. some people ask when do we know to
stop. when we want it to stop, when it doesn't give the
rush anymore, and then we mop it up and tuck it away. but
our account is shit because some people "know better" than

sometimes we'll cut and cut and cut, waiting for someone to
walk in and tell us that they love us. we wait for someone
to listen. we wait for someone to care. we wait for
someone to show some compassion for its own race. when our
rescuer doesn't come we sometimes begin to wonder just how
much deeper 'til we hit that vein. how many more
swipes 'til its continuous flow ceases? how many more
minutes do we have to feel this relentless pain inflicted
by our closest compainions? so we dig and dig to find
out. most people look at us like we have a second head
growing. they show the digust they feel and tell us we're
freaks. each man in his own form releases his pain; some
through beauty, some drugs, some food, some weight control,
some working, some booze, some abusing, some defying
authority, and some cutting. so before you feel quick to
judge someone, walk in his shoes for a day, then criticize
all you want, most will stop short of doing that, though,
after taking into themselves the world of another.
count thy blessings.