kajco03

A Day in the Life of Me
2003-02-06 06:20:03 (UTC)

are we there yet?

I need to take a road trip away from my brain. If I could
get away from all the problems and issues and people and
worries of my life. Head constantly swimming, trying to
figure out how to solve this equation of love, or
manipulate this theory of existence. Internal pain leaves
lasting scars that I don't want or need. Another cut and I
my heart may bleed to death. The runaway frieght on the
anxious track of my mind needs to slow down and come to a
full and complete stop at the nearest station.
The man of my dreams isn't so dreamy. Maybe he's all that I
want him to be but isn't what I need. If there's a mix
amongst all that pleasure there will still be some
sensation of pain. A twang and twitch and thorn that could
have been avoided. He already holds the biggest chunk of my
heart and I've given another piece away. So much of me is
empty and not my own. I don't even know what I have and am
lacking. Wisdom obviously; otherwise I wouldn't ruin more
lives and read more email. But the monster constantly
lurks and tells me of what I am not, cannot, and shall
never. When the sheep in lambs clothes tells you that you
are, can, and shall what else can you do, sit there and
play dumb or soak it up? It's hard to be a sponge. Taking
on everyone else's concerns and feelings and emotions and
desires and wants and fears and hopes and dreams....get so
lost that you don't know up from left from down from
sideways from right to wrong to my dreams to my sanity to
my peace of mind. Can't change the past only plan for the
future. Scared to shape the future for fear of the present.
Carpe diem is a bunch of carpe crap. I need to get outta
dodge as quick as I can.


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