Gemma

12.27AM sep. 20/01

well, Pig....
my first entry in this diary..not sure if even an online
journal is completely safe but if nobody knows about it
nobody will be looking..

so today was a bit better than yesterday anyway, that's
good. yesterday it felt like we were back in old
times..which weren't even that long ago, but mummy asked me
to ask daddy for money because she only has $88 dollars
left. when i said i din't want to she got mad at me because
i said he had taken care of my finances re: college,
however she brought up stuff she had bought me...if she had
just told me earlier that this was happening i wouldn't
have asked for anything and wouldn't have expected
anything...but telling her that came out wrong..it was "but
you don't have to do that" so she said she would remember
that next time...and now i don't know what to do because
unless she helps me open an account so i can make a deal
with daddy for money, when it comes time to buy my books
for school, which are not cheap, i now don't want to ask
her... so what can i do? sit back and hope things work out
i guess.

so today she has been just as stressed but not at me
thankfully..just at a hundred other things which she will
only discuss a few with me..however i can't go and talk to
her and tell her to tell me these things because for a
reason unbeknownst to me i have been extremely emotional
recently and will cry at the drop of a pin so i am avoiding
confrontations, deep conversations etc. because it is
embarrassing! does that make me insensitive? kind of ironic
huh?
but i think she is unloading stuff onto darcy as well so
hopefully she won't drop back to how she was getting in
PA...sheesh, well, i think this is a long enough entry for
the first day of it..i guess that means i needed it right?
so i will be back when i need to unload again, c ya x