Sapphire_Moonlight

Rantings of the Insomniac
2003-02-06 04:12:04 (UTC)

The end of the day....

I don't know what to think anymore...nor do I know where
to go. I seem to constantly be hurting people that are close
to me and what not. I am just so sick of walking on
eggshells because someone is going to be upset by my
actions. I know that I can't make everyone happy and I am
not trying too. But I want everyone to quit throwing stuff
back in my face...I try to comfort and I get bitten because
I have a little bit of happiness. Jesus christ it's the
first tidbit of happiness I have had in awhile.
I mean I sit and reason stuff in my head and think of
course people are going to try and suck the happiness from
me because they are unhappy. But yet when I am unhappy I try
not share it....so it doesn't bother anyone else. I try not
to rub it in when I am happy though. If someone is unhappy I
am understanding and try to make things a bit easier. Today
though I learned my lesson to never to that ever again.
I am sorry if me actually having something in my life
worth getting up for bothers some people but for heaven's
sake quite trying to make me miserable just so you all can
feel somewhat better about yourselves. (I highly doubt the
people that this is for will actually read it but whatever)
I cannot help that life has decided to throw a stumbling
block in front of you. I wish I could make it better. But I
am not going back to a miserable life to do it. I am not
going to be the toy that I was used for before. Where my
feelings, thoughts and goals meant nothing.
I am so sorry if my happiness makes you a bit
miserable...but I can't stand alone crying all my life just
because you want it so you can feel better and feel that you
have control. I took back my life and I am sorry if that
upsets you but that is the way it has to be. I am sorry that
I have someone to crawl next to at night and will hold me
and your companion is miles away. You chose her I did not.
Do not take it out on me that you are depressed because
things aren't going your way and things are working for me.
I know you thought I was going to lie in my bed cry and cry
and then come crawling on my knees back to you. I am sorry
that the leash you had on me wasn't as strong as you
thought. I know you thought you had me in the bag and that I
was going to give up my dreams so you could do as you wish.
I am so sorry that I hurt you but that is life.
-Sapphire-




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