Jess_Mull

Nowhere man please listen. . . .
2003-02-06 03:27:05 (UTC)

Febuary 5, 2003

Things with matt STILL suck.

He was all right with me fer a while- n we made plans
to both go over Julia's house, so we can -uh- chiiiill.
lol. But he hasn't spoken to me in three days. AHHH!
he's SUCH a re re! He refuses to call me, he wont talk to
me online- and totally ignores me during school! I'll
purposely walk RIGHT in front of him to see if he
says "hi" at least, but i'll be lookin DIRECTLY at him n
he wont even give me a side glance from the corner of his
eye.

Ok, what did i do to deserve THAT?

But it just goes back to him being "in the mood fer
me." That whole thing again. It's such a delicate
situation with me n him. Like I have to know when to keep
my distance, and I have to care to his every demand when
he calls for it. It sucks- n i know he's doin it on
purpose. Playing his fuckin manipulative mind games with
me- he's got me wrapped around his little finger.

When he says jump- I jump.

It's pathetic really and i realise myself doing it- i
dunno why i can't just STOP. It's not that easy. It's
like I'll do ANYTHING fer this guy- but then again so will
five other girls that he's got wrapped around his finger
as well...

So once again i'm waiting fer him to be in a jess
mullen mood. God knows how long this could take. 3 days
so far- but i've waited up to a month n a half before.

And as fer shit goin down with the rest of my life- my
parents suck. My household continues to fight with each
other and just be RETARDED. I hate my parents- I can
really honestly say they don't know how to raise me. My
teachers all suck- Murph has turned against my class and
turned into a reeeeal BEAST! And my horticulture teacher
SUX- i wanna punch him in his fat head!

And report cards are comin out soon and i'm having a
total episode over it cuz i really don't know what my
grades are like....My parents are NEVER satified with
ANYTHING i do. I was one grade away from honor roll last
term and my parents still thought it sucked- they were
like the best grades i've gotten since elementary school
and they couldn't appriciate it. I hate them so much! I
just thank god I have my BFF Siobhan fer me to talk to
about shit like this- cuz if i didnt i think i would go
god damned CRAZY! I can really tell her anything. Even
when ife sucks this bad.