Just another girl

wish i had diary at livejournal. they are nicer.

I want a journal from livejournal.com. They are so much
nicer, but they do have a price, and this one is free. I
love free, and free loves me, so here is where i'll stay.
I haven't written for awhile. More than a week. It's
alright, many things have happened, and i've missed them
all, but it's ok. yes. I've become way to invidious lately.
Nasty nefarious personality. Too sarcastic. I have taken up
the nasty habit of saying "goddamnit" every time something
goes remotely wrong. I'm just waiting for laundry to get
done. I have only done one load of laundry in the past
three weeks(i needed jeans) and I am on my last pair of
everything. I had to wear little girly white underwear
with a bow on the front and puky green and red christmas
socks to school today. I have way too expansive of a
wardrobe. Shirt wise. My closet is full and I still have 5
loads of laundry to do. I feel bad and glutunous. Well,
my day was alright. I'm under so much stress right now, and
I am not getting enough sleep. I think soon I shall just
keel over and turn brown. I ate two chocolate chip
muffins, a bagel, some chicken noodle soup, and hmm...
something else.... ah, an apple. Yes, an ok food day. Just
a tad too much. It is almost 11:30 and I slept 4 hours last
night. I will get about 4 tonight. I have 4 tests
tomorrow. oh goodness. I'm not going to make it through the
day.. great attitude. Marching band was alright... hmmm..
choir was alright.. although sometimes Krista talks too
much... and Mrs. Christiansons hair was a tad bit out of
sorts today. It didn't really look bad.. just... funny.
Funny.
World studies was alright, I did ok on my BBC quiz,
maybe a B ... maybe. I have my mexico map and chapter test
in there tomorrow. I have no idea what is going on. Uck.
Maybe I should be sick tomorrow.... except I promised Randi
I would go to the thrift shop with her, and I spent a very
long time(3 hours) getting my outline done early for
Researching and Writing so I get a decent grade this time
around. It is a very stressful class. We have our hardest
grammar test of the year in there tomorrow, and a vocab
test. No prob with the vocab, I have gotten 100 percent on
all three so far. It's the grammar that catches me.... but
I hear the first chapter is the most challenging and it only
goes down hill from there. Good. Roaring 20's list gets
posted tomorrow. I'll be very sad if I didn't make it. I
really will. All week I have been pretending that I would
be ok with it, and for awhile I really thought I would be,
because it is mildly pathetic to get so emotionally needy
about being in a singing group, but music is what I do, and
if I don't have it, I don't have anything. I don't even
want to look at the list. I'm going to make Jamie look for
me.
Things are not going so good with Drew. I don't know how
much I like him right now... it is so hard to keep an open
mind.. or a closed mind... about anything. I never see
him, and when I get the chance to , he really doesn't seem
to be all that enthused about it. Which makes me feel
unwanted, which results in pain and too much thinking...
I went to his house yesterday because it was the only day
he didn't have to work this week, and we talked about the
most petty ridiculous non-essential things. Verbiage, and
way too much of it. We sat on different couches I just
wanted to cry the whole time.... I did but I don't think he
saw. Everything is so frustrating lately. I'm
just not myself. I want to scream at the top of my
lungs and then fall into a deep sleep where I don't have to
worry about anything. The last thing I need right now is to
not make roaring 20's, fail my tests(which i ,and get
sick. I just need to fall off the face of the earth for
awhile. Be alone. read. write. play. sing. listen. buy
cheap things. sigh. ugh. hmpph.