Unfortunate Luck

Unfortunate Luck
2003-02-05 21:07:20 (UTC)

Wish I were...?

I really really like him, but I dont know if I want
anything more. Why does it have to be so confusing? I mean,
at first, he was this dumb Sophomore, who went to a totally
different school. We were picking up a friend at his house
and he threw rocks at the van because we were taking his
entertainment with us. I mean, I knew him before that. We
were in the same Algebra class in eighth grade. He was the
loud and obnoxious one. He says I would just kinda be there
with my friends, but I dont remember it that much. Then,
when my ex and I broke up, he decided to be a dick to me
online on my ex's sn. He called me a bunch of names too
mean for this entry. This was in probably summer between
Freshman and Sophomore year. But when my ex told me it
wasnt him, it was his friend, I didnt put name to face. Not
until the rock incident. Then randomly I started talking to
him in October. Here it is like 2 years later and we start
talking. I find out hes really intelligent. I mean, we
actually can have real conversations, which is the first
positive in him. We got talking about "love" one night. We
discussed what it is, where it comes from, if we've been in
it. We've really gotten to know each other. So, besides
that, we have alot of fun together. We have done things
from him coming to the coast with me and my friends for my
birthday party, to randomly picking him up for some Speedy
Burger, to...well...we wont go any farther.

But, here is where the problem enters. I recently, ok, it
was in June, broke up with Jeff. It was pretty devestating
to me, threw me basically into depression. I had to get
help. Anyways, I spent the summer, partying, with alcohol,
alot. I mean, almost every weekend. Even on the weekdays
sometimes. I started seeing people, no strings attached. I
just dont, or didnt want to get hurt. I want a boyfriend so
bad. I kind of want to randomly meet someone, or meet
someone through a friend, someone who is totally new, and
get to know them and stuff, and then hook up. I just dont
know if I want to be all exclusive and stuff, or just chill
with a bunch of people.

So, I told this to "him" and he understands. I aslo said I
dont want to ruin our awesome friendship, and he
understands. But I dont know if its that I dont want a
relationship, that Im scared, or that I just want someone
who I havent known since eighth grade. Hmmm...if you have
suggestions, much appriciated.




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