Infiniterocker

What people say and what they do--are two DIFFERENT things

So I think I've been a little naive. I've really taken a
good look at things. People aren't always what they seem.
I guess I had forgotten that lesson for a while (I've
learned that one ENOUGH times). I've been so emotionally
stressed out with all that's going on in my life, that I
guess I was in a way---blocking out all the bad that came
along as far as people...making myself over look the
faults---no--not even the faults---the things that people
do to "abuse" me.....
I've woken up. I've realized I am not going to let people
bullshit me anymore, I'm not going to let them treat me
like shit. Trust in your feelings. Because they never lie.
They really don't. And I've known all this for a long time
now, I guess it was just nicer to pretend that things
could work out how I would have liked them to...AND things
COULD WORK if they were handled correctly. But I've been
played for long enough. It's time to clean out my life of
all this. It's time for me to find the truth.
The situation is just not clear, and no one is making it
clear...and until I find out the facts, I'm not going to
jump to any conclusions. But actions speak louder than
words, and when everythign changes COMPLETELY every 10
minutes..something is up. I just have to find out WHAT.
You always know your intentions....it's just a question of
other peoples motives...in this case--I have no idea. But
when someone constantly says one thing, and does
another...it's more than just a red flag.
Mixed signals...mixed reactions.....I dont' know where to
start.
I'm urning for comfort, for security. And I need to come
to realize, that the only way I can accomplish...having
both those needs..is when I realize...that "I" am my only
comfort, my only security. No one else is going to be
there for me through thick and through thin. You always
get those people who claim they will be...like my Father,
like my Mother, like everyone in my life who claimed they
would take care of me and then told me to leave. Like
everyone who claimed to have loved me and then left. It's
all the same. and I'm sitting here deciding it's time to
fucking break the cycle. It's time to move on, it's time
to have my own life, it's time to be happy. I'm not
letting these people bring me down anymore....when they
leave, or when they break their promise....any of
that...it just shows that the person whom I "loved", in a
sense, wasn't ever truely there---I never truely loved
them because they weren't whom I believed them to be.
Becuase the perosn I "LOVED"...wouldn't leave me like
that..or break their word...etc. And maybe some day I will
find someone who doesn't do all that...and maybe I won't---
either way I'm done. I'm ready to sort out this mess.