JennyMBC03

Day By Day: The Jenny Saga
2003-02-05 05:35:56 (UTC)

Life or something like it

I love days when I feel like writing more than one entry
because I have so much to say...I have catching up to do
since I haven't used this thing since Christmas. My
song..yeah I forgot that one in my last entry. I'm thinkin
some Luther needs to be used...

Don't hang on me for security
Love is never free
Are you using me?
You pretended like we were friends
I was blinded by sentiment
You complicated what love should be
And I could swear that you're using me
I keep seeing things I shouldn't see
I've been watchin' you
Are you using me?

Luther writes good sex music...I like some good sex
music...Marvin writes good sex music too, but I thought this
song kinda fit my mood. The things I think about. Speaking
of sex...ha ha ha...Jessie and I can't have a good
conversation without bringing up the male sex organ. And the
discussion tonight was how someone could possibly turn down
good sex because they have a headache. Jess and I can talk
about anything and I mean ANYTHING. I think our situations
in life are so similar its scary. (Except for the fact that
Jessie has experienced the aspects of actually being in a
relationship and I have not) The whole Jess and Jenny
similar life experiences. Come to think of it..my roommate
and I are the same way, except I sometimes feel she gets a
little grossed out with exactly how open I am to talking
about ANYTHING. That's just who I am. I am perfectly
comfortable talking or listening to people about anything.
Now as for my life...my past stays closed book to all but
two people..Jess and Bobby...no offense to the rest of
you..it's just stuff I don't like talking about and I know I
can trust Jess and Bobby since they are like different
versions of myself. Bobby is like my soul mate. I think
we've both been through some hell together...some fights
together...some laughs...some tears...so much. And amazingly
I feel as if our relationship is stronger now emotional wise
than it was in high school since we can now talk about
almost anything to each other. Ha and the things we talk
about! It's nice to have a male friend to talk to about my
problems...but one is enough for me! LOL Jess and I were
talking earlier and I was struck by a wonderful
philosophical thought! Okay so if a guy friend who you have
feelings for tells you that he won't go out with you because
he's afraid of hurting you, does that mean he intends to
hurt the girl he dates instead of you? I mean it makes
perfect sense. Yeah...speaking of guy friends...then there's
the friends with benefits...that's nice and all and it good
for a booty call when you are single except the emotional
stuff isn't there and that's something that a sensitive
person like myself needs. Then there's those guys that you
just can't read...ugh...I've felt what its like to be in
love, but I've never felt what it was like to have someone
be in love with me and that is sooo incredibly hard to take.
Ahhh ramble ramble ramble...I'm just venting I need to watch
the stress level....been real sick lately and I noticed
yesterday that my skin and whites of my eyes looked yellow
so I emailed my mom today since it was the same way and some
of my friends noticed the same thing and she said she's
worried about me and being the RN that she is said that
she's afraid I might have viral hepatitis...meaning that my
liver is infected with a virus and that I may have to go to
the doctor on Thursday if the yellow doesn't go away and get
blood work done :( I don't want to go...I don't like my
docotr and I don't do needles. That's really scary so I have
to watch my stress level and rest and get liquids which is
pretty impossible with all the things on my mind right now
and the fact that my senior project isn't going to good. Put
it this way...unless I lose conciousness, I am not going to
the doctor. Why do bad things always happen to me? I mean I
know far worser things happen to other people but I
seriously can tell you that I have never had a full 24 hours
of happiness ever...I think maybe 14 hours at the
most...that includes when I sleep. It's not like I'm out to
be unhappy, it's just that I get let down so much by people
I really love and think I can trust. Maybe I really am too
trusting...I dunno...well it's pretty damn late and I should
have been in bed two hours ago.




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