Jin

Gay, London and Oriental. Take A Look ;)
2003-02-05 00:47:29 (UTC)

Realisation

After that incident with Brinks I found myself once again
feeling down. Alot of little things over the past few days
have suddenly made me see things differently.
Thursday me, Michael and Hayley (nice girl hehe) were in
the pub around 4pm. Hayley was doing some homework and I
was doing some of my reading. Michael then spoke to about
things and getting some stuff off his chest. When I look
back on that day Michael said something that I needed to
hear. He said that "In this life, you can't please
everyone." (Remember this, its important hehe).
On Friday the whole Brinks thing went over. Saturday I went
to work..late. I didn't sleep much on Thursday night so I
slept around 8pm and got up around 8.45 am (hey I'm not
usually that late) and Alexa (work friend) said that one of
the mums said to her that I was a really nice and decent
person and if she was 20 years younger...ahem anyway. Even
though it was a mum who said that, that felt really nice to
hear. Then I spoke to Carlo once I got home online. He was
saying that I was a really nice person and that I make him
happy (he's so sweet ^_^), so I felt really good about
myself. Tom was also online. I haven't spoken to him for a
while but it was nice for him to talk to me. Me and him
were talking about Brinks and why he doesn't like him
anymore. Turns out Brinks made a promise after they met up
around Christmas time which was: "You can go out with
others but I won't be, I'll be saving all my love for you
etc." He then ask him to download a song called "Holding on
for you" by LibertyX. And guess what, he has a boyfriend!
Once I heard that I was laughing my head off, it was so
ironic and just made laugh so much. So I was thinking, do I
really wanna get involve with someone like Brinks? This is
a person who makes me feel like crap, who only cares about
himself and to be quite honest a bit of a loner. Every time
we would speak I always seemed to be the bad person and he
so "great". To be honest I know for a fact that I'm a nice
person, I care alot about people and I really like to show
how I feel. I kinda was drawn to him because I thought he
was drawn to me. Turns out he is one of those people who
doesn't know what he wants but is willing to take
everything that comes along his way. I realised that this
is person that I don't really like, why did I have to make
myself feel bad about myself around him when I know deep
down that I'm not a bad person.
Tom said one last thing about Brinks. He said "that he
would never ever be truly happy." I pity him more than
anything and as a person I could do so much better than
him. I know now not to be so naive when it comes to people,
but still be myself around them. Moral: The most thing to
be is yourself, the ones who truly appreciate you and for
who you are, are the ones that will love you the most.
You cannot please everybody, just be yourself and live your
life.
Thank you to all my friends for making it here with me
today, I love you all...