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2003-02-04 14:41:21 (UTC)

Leaving Home

Well for someone who said they'd never leave California,
I've done it thrice now. My first attempt was when I went to
Oklahoma, to watch over my godsons mom. Never quite
understood how most people could be racist but then again, I
never thought it would bother me as much. With that failed
attempt, moving back home was more or less a joke. I
seriously wonder why it is most people don't bother to speak
or talk to you unless they need something. Well anyway, my
second attempt was made in Greensboro, NC. If racism was a
joke, then I guess the dating of most women would be
considered one also. I've never understood why a female
would consider dating you for 8 yrs, only to dumb you when
you return home for the military. You'd think if they waited
that long, they'd wait some more. Guess that wasn't meant to be.

Finally I have moved to Lancaster, PA. Yes the girl here is
younger than me, and yes I feel the need to make something
of this relationship. But it just seems so hard, since we
have to hide behind peoples back, or she doesn't have the
time for me or vice versa. How do you talk to a female who
has lost almost all the self-esteem in herself? How do you
help her or make her understand that you will be there for
her whenever she needs? How do you expect to make a change
when even she doesn't believe in you?

That is my current situation and outlook, hopefully thing
between Jennifer and I will work out. If not, then I will
once more be heartbroken, and will move yet again.

Mood: Confused and Depressed

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