bluemoon

The crazy world of me
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2003-02-04 06:35:57 (UTC)

things are so crazy

Yeah so I had this whole long thing typed out of what I was
thinking earlier then I deleted it because I am some kind
of genius. So yeah today some little bird came up and told
me in my ear some stuff about Ricky. I got really upset
over it but then I started thinking I have no reason to be
upset because its not like I am going out with him or
anything you know. But it still really did hurt and stuff
and I cried like a little bitch over it. But I think I am
good to go now but that will come later on in this
entry. So what I heard was that he was screwing around
with this girl Lindsay. Yeah so okay I know everyone who
knows the whole story is like either one what a jack or two
thinking um your fault because you guys aren’t going out.
The only reason I was upset I think is because he lied to
me. I asked him not to long ago if he has been screwing
around with other people. He might of just taken that as
in having sex but I was meaning all around so I am not
positive about if he lied to me or not but to any extent I
was pissed because I absolutely can’t not stand people who
lie. I am not going to sit here and say that I don’t lie
because I do you know there always things to lie about but
I am not going to make up some stupid lie especially if I
am going to get caught up in it. That’s why I don’t lie to
friends because I am just bad at that because I have done
it before but when it comes to lying to parents and
teachers I am a pro. I get away with everything. But yeah
that is one of the things that really ticks me off. So I
talked to him tonight because he said he was worried about
me now I am thinking to myself is that true because if he
is lying to me about something so stupid then why wouldn’t
he lie about caring about me. Ya know what I am talking
about. Not only that I always say I don’t want people to
care about me but I think that is because I don’t want to
care about that person and I know I will. I have this
problem with getting close to people because it seems that
like every time I do I end up getting hurt in the long run
for some reason. Another thing is that I don’t trust
people because I have had problems in the past with
trusting people and I got let down. It seemed that like
every time I would start trusting people I would get proved
wrong for doing so in some way or another. Yeah so I let
him know a lot of this stuff but I never really told him
what was bothering me because I needed to talk to someone
about it because I didn’t want to say anything to him that
could ruin our friendship. Yeah so I was pretty much a
wreck before and while I was on the phone with him. I
don’t even want to look in the mirror tomorrow because I am
going to look like shit tomorrow from crying. Anyway. So
I ended up talking to Joni and I think she understands what
I was talk about now and her and I are cool. So her and I
actually had like a heart felt talk and its was like the
coolest because Joni don’t have those kinds of talks. So
that put me in super good mood so I am okay now I guess. I
just really needed to talk to someone about a lot of things
that are going on and between talking to Ricky, Joni and
Aaron I think that I got everything out. I was on the
phone for a super long time. But for real I am going to go
because I want to write Ricky before I go to bed and let
him know what is up. So bye kids.


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