MERRY-jane

like crap down the toilet, these r tha d
2003-02-04 00:11:36 (UTC)

Same shit new day

Well, sorry I've been neglecting ya diary but i really only
have time to sit down and write when shit sucks... so here
i am, haha. My weekend was pretty damn good considering i
got high 494359546 times for free, so yeah. saturday my
family went to see my gramma while the badass half of the
family, my aunt, my cuz and me, stayed home. And got high,
which was fucking nice, but also fuckin bad cuz now, the
one second im comfy and awake, and not high, im all pissed
off at the world. any my cousins so cool!! shes like 18 and
im getting her id soon, i dunno if i mentioned that yet but
BOOYAH! clubs here i come. and honestly - where have all
the good people gone? or were they ever even there? I mean,
just incase any male who's ever lived ever reads this,
which they probably wont - looks dont matter! well, atleast
to me. Attitude 100% makes a person. I've never met a
genuine hot guy with integrity who wasnt jaded cuz of a
mirror! There was non-attractive fat guy in my class who
was just so kind and real... he thought with the head on
his shoulders 70% of the time - more than i can say for
like ALL men... and yeah. if he was still around and the
semester hadn't ended and stuff i woulda went 4 him, its a
shame not all people can be like that. I'm not saying
everyone should be kind and all that shit but it sure would
be a nice change from the cocky rich boy 'give me head now'
attitude... Anyways, i think i'm done with that one. What
else? hmmm... my sisters moving in in a few days, yay for
that - no offense 2 her, but i know this for a fact - shes
a fucken headcase!!! and the second she moves in i KNOW im
gonna be dragged down with her. I'm not saying my life is
hard... i could be starving in ethiopia or getting raped by
my grandpa in a cellar or something... but this is the girl
who got into the hospital twice in one week for suicide
attempts. this wont be fun. yep. and while we're on this
dreary subject i might as well bring up, finally, that its
just past my friend's 1 year death anniversary. i miss him
so much. it sucks cuz it didnt sink in at first, until i
saw him laying there... but now, its like, on with the
emotional stuff. my mom told me that for the rest of my
life not a day will go by without me thiniking of him. So
far she's been right. but now im wondering if that was a
friggin curse. it makes the concept of death seem not so
bad because just look at all the people who i just might
get to see again. if only. mannn ive got problems. not big
ones. little ones that can totally make my life do a
bellyflop tho. Like, again, when it comes to guys, i
usually cant even look them in the eye or have a regular
non-tense conversation unless i theyre like, losers, no
offenze losers. but yah. i was wondering why that was and i
think its kinda like, as stupid as it sounds, if i cant see
them they cant see me, as in how fuckin bad i look... like
what if my face isnt turned the right way and they can see
it lookin like shit and stuff - the way i see it, im better
off when i keep my mouth shut and they CANT see me upclose
cuz that way i havent completely blown my chances with
them.. or something like that. i dont tell people this
because its kinda dumb if you hear it but i think its what
i honestly feel like... so basically i cant even
communicate with anyone im even attracted to (unless im
drunk, which is VERY rare.. and even then i like the taken
ones). If anyone knows how to overcome this lemme know cuz
im starting to fukin wish i was attracted to girls or
something just so i can get some action around here.
Pathetic, yes. Known by those who know me, Hell-NO.
Anyways, enough PMS babble... OH and ive had my period for
lets see, 11 days since my last one, 4 days before. YAY!!!
All for my birth control pills when im not even getting any
anyways. k, im ending this now i swear
peace