Wading in insomnia
2001-09-20 04:07:11 (UTC)

Sept 19 2001 early morning

Wednesday, September 19, 2001

12:54 AM

Not much has happened personally since last time I wrote.
Of course a lot has happened nationally, the whole acts of
terrorism and what not. Thankfully I didn’t know anyone
there but if you know me, you probably know that doesn’t
matter. I’m like an emotionally sponge, I seem to absorb
the feelings of others so I’ve been pretty down about the
whole thing lately. The pictures and the stories on the
news constantly, they all hit me even brought me to tears
once or twice. Because of that, I think, I came down with a
cold or flu, something not fun. I’m still a little caught
up with that. Last week on Wednesday I got a visit from an
old friend and that was a nice visit and was pretty much
the extent of my social life last week. I ended up heading
home on Thursday night, just got bored and decided I needed
to drive. Then the weekend was the whole camping out thing
with the family and my dad’s birthday thing. I didn’t end
up going there until Saturday night cause my buddy didn’t
get the day off, so that somewhat sucked. But a great time
was had despite that and my sickness. I missed classes on
Monday because I didn’t feel up to driving back early
enough to make them. I don’t think I missed much. Yesterday
I had one of those moments that is only a matter of seconds
but seems to sum up your life entirely. I was walking back
from parking my car and walking along a shaded path I
looked up to see a rather cute girl heading my way, at that
moment she looked up and our eyes met, she smiled, which in
turn brought about a smile from my lips. We both walked on
our separate ways, probably to never see one another again.
But I was happy and felt good until a second later when my
hand brush past a nearby bush and a thorn lodged itself
into my finger. Happy one minute, in pain the next, so
goes my life. Today was fairly uneventful like the rest of
my continuously stuttering life. I woke up fairly early,
for me anyways, and showered and even shaved. I then had
my painting class, which wasn’t anything special today. I
finished the painting I had been working on, I’m not sure I
even like it at all now. I was really pumped about it, but
now that it’s done and I step back and look, I think I hate
it. It seems all wrong. I’ll probably try fixing up an area
or two but I doubt anything will save it. I ended up
leaving an hour early cause I was too drained to start
anything new. I ended up just chilling out here for a
while, before heading over to the photo lab to make up some
prints. That wasn’t all that bad, besides the fact it was
crowded. I’m not a big fan of large groups of people. Makes
me feel even more alone. Anyways, I made my prints up and
they turned out ok I guess. Emily was there but we didn’t
talk much aside from the hellos and how are yous. The
beautiful girl was there and ended up being next to me. We
talked a lil in the lab but nothing real. We both got done
at about the same time and she ended up catching up to me
outside of the building and we chatted a little more, it
was something leaning more towards a real conversation then
anything we’ve had before. It was pleasant and made me
happy at the time, though I don’t think she knows my name
at all. Now I’m tired but I don’t want to sleep. I feel
like that sometimes and I am never quite sure why. Usually
I’m all about sleep but sometimes I try to avoid it for as
long as possible. I’m not sure if it’s the dreams I’m
afraid of, or if I’m afraid of missing something. Though
I’m not sure what I’d miss cause I’m sitting here alone,
its not like love will fall into my lap or anything. And if
it did I’m sure I wouldn’t know what to do or say. Hell, I
probably wouldn’t even realize it at the time. Well I’m
off to do what I’m going to do, whatever that is.