2001-09-20 04:06:57 (UTC)

Breezy's 18th birthday

For my ex-girlfriend whom I've knbown for about 10 years,
went out with for seven months, went throught hell with for
seven months, and had cheated on me, though I've tried to
forgret and forgive so to salvage the friendship - for
forgiveness that was rejected and replaced with
disrespectful gestures - turned 18 today. She gave herself
the present of sending me negative mail today - concerning
her decision of when to re-evalute me as a friend.


I've been doing some re-evaluating of my own.

I was there for you when you accused the entire world was
full of people who only wanted to destroy you or use you -
I was there to prove you wrong when oyu wanted to kill
yourself over it. I was there for you and didn't judge you
over the school incident. I was there through the lawyers
meetings, phychiatrists, hospitals, school-board meetings,
investigation, drive-by slanderings, sightigs of ex's,
sightings of random old men, sightings of random people you
were sure were staring at you in disgust; I was there
through your halucinations in the middle of the nights,
your night mares, mood swings, break-downs, disphoria,
dissassociation, rage, depressions, vioence to me and to
yourself (psychologically and phisically), and I was
patient. I tried to sympathize, I tried to understand, I
read books and did research on BPD to increase that
tolerance as far as possible. You cried in my arms
repetitivly over not knowing life without abuse was
possible, and thanked me for showing you - and I'm glad I

I wish you had it in you to be friends, but you do not. I
wish you hadn't chastised me over YOU having dreams of me
cheating on you, just to cheat on me in the end. I didn't
appreciate feeling ilke everything I ever said was to be
repeated for everyone else you knew within five minutes
tops. I didn't appreciate you making Crohn's jokes. I
didn't appreciate the fact that you called me a whore and
in a rage looked at me in disgust and asked me just who I
hadn't fucked in New Glasgow - especially since I'm seven
years older than you and you have twice the experience I

I've done some re-evalution of my own.

I have been too patient. I overestimated you. I never
needed you, and you leave little reason thus far for me to
want you as a friend? What have you ever done for me
lately. You obviously never gave a shit about me or I
wouldn't be so irrelavent and replaceable to you. You used
for sex, status, and a crutch until you found the next
available ride.

Happy Birthday
Enjoy your fucking porn