my manic world
2001-02-21 03:59:33 (UTC)

HATE. it engulfs me. i hate..

HATE. it engulfs me. i hate myself, my family, the world,
everything. happiness comes and goes with the wind, never
staying too long, always replace by storm couds. what is
wrong with me? with my life?? i am the perfect one, the
one with the wonderful life, the "popular" one. am i not
suppose to have problems as well. my secret eats me but i
must live with it for now, and the lies, all the lies.
lies breed misery as one very intelligent person once
said. no one knows me. do i even know myself? wait, but
she knows me. not that it matters, she remains locked
out, not yet aware of how to get over the wall, or through
it, or under it. i don't think i know myself, i always
stay with its confines. the tears flow, and for once, i
let them. i don't know what to do anymore. what can a
person do?? when they are trapped, or feel so, no ones
there. no one is ever there. i am here alone, as always.