my life, my love and my happiness?
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2003-02-03 16:42:03 (UTC)

I want to die

[time:11:33 am study hall]
i guess jason isnt in school today. he wasent in the car
thismorning when amy came to pick me up. today isnt going
good. i started crying like 5 times out of now were. i
failed my math A. i failed my mid term. now i have to get a
tuteror and i dot nwant to. they just piss me off that i all
ready am. i really wish that i was going to get put on my
medication sooner but i gotta wate untill i get back from
colorado. at least when i am out there i will be... well
kinda happy. me and my mom got in a huge fight yesterday and
yeah it wasent good. i told her that i was gonna kill myself
like5 times and she was ;like want the hell is that gonna
prove? um the fact that i hate my life and there are like 3
ppl in it that really care about me. well 4 if you consider
my sister. my computer wasent working yesterday b/c of the
phone lines. yeah cheecha is calling then for me today and i
guess they will come up and fix then for us or something. i
am starving and i need to go to lunch i think i gotta go
accually so i will bbl. im out! lata
listing to: ppl being loud in the LIBRARY!!! haha doing it
bus driver style

[time:6:09pm off to the psycologist i go]
ok yeah to day was ok i guess. i was at marias last night and my
mom called looking for me.... and she found me obiously but yeah she
was like dont make any plans for tomarrow night! and i was like ok
why? she was like you are going to the docters tomarrow and you have
no choice! yeah pretty shitty but what ever. so i was like crying
all night about it and maria spent the night. not much fun but
yeah..... earlyer that day we went to wal-mart and um got
some "stuff" and then i put in the presidents of the united states
of america..... yeah peaches.... do you know what that song is all
about? PUSSY!!!!. too funny and we used to know all of the words in
like 5th grade oh man that is bad. it is funny thinking about it. we
went past Jims with all of the windows down and the radio was like
as loud as it goes and maria was beeping the horn and i was
screaming. i was so funny. haha i bet they got pissed! ok so i was
bling blingin it today. i had the bandana and the sweetpants it was
fucking hott let me tell you. and i was sad all day but tiffany
cheered me up. first and second block igot to go to the assembly.
twice.....arnt i special. and i was in it. well not really but
everyone thinks i look like avril so..... yeah it wasent as good as
the usually are but ok yeah! and oh my fucking god!!!! Dusty was
there!!!!!!!!!!!! holy shit!!!! he was doing some speech thing fo
the fire department and courtney tryed to get me to go say hi to
him..... personaly after all that i really dont wanna look at the
kid again. haha you have a small peppy!!!!! yeah then i went to
lunch.... shitty not enough for me but checha bought me a icy
wa-wa-mellon yummy! and then off to ceramics my Tiffany box it
done. it looks fucking awsom and i gotta paint it and fire it and i
can not wate to see how it looks. lots a ribbon the is all i have to
say about that. and then english i was there for like 10 min then
left for my apointment. it took like 45 min to get there and the
setions are only 45 min. she was really nice and to top it all off
she had a cat. his name is baxter.MEOW!!!! wohoo and once he gets to
know mw a little better she said he will lay on my lap and stuff.
and me and my mom were in there together today but when i go on the
28th i am gonna be by myself. she told my mom how it was and for
once she listined and it made me feel so good. and i was like crying
histricaly the whole time and she is like obiously she is depressed
and needs to be put on medication.. which i do and i have know this
fo a while now. and she said we should get faimly counsling along
with this. and mark needs to go to that with us so i dont know. i
really dont want to talk to him at all... ever... but i think my mom
is gonna make me go. Gerrr i hate how parents can make you do stuff.
it is shitty. and it was a rainy day out and i felt like my mom was
taking me away to this place and like i was never gonna come
back.... you know like on movies and stuff. it was weired. and my
mom was so nice to me after it, she was like are ya hungery?.....
and when am i not?.... i was like yeah i guess and she got me taco
bell and it was tasty. then we went to millers and went grocery
shopping and i got mad food and she didnt even care. it was great.
then we came home and i got in the shower and talked to maria. then
came on line and talked to jay about my eventfull day and got ready.
i am going to the game with maria later around 7:45 of something.
wohooo it is gonna be fun. but i am gonna go eat so..... im out!
listing to:Ani Difranco
BiaTeamLdr: i know you are wishing right now i blurt out the size
spoiledlp17: hehe
haha i had taco bell and you didnt!!!! hehe

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