PUNKrawkSINGER

Sex & Candy
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2001-09-20 02:18:46 (UTC)

well now

yesterday was good. sex is good. im not goin into the
details coz 1)only sick ppl would wanna hear em and 2) it
would sound completely and totally morally wrong. so
whatever, ill jus say it was good. today wasnt so good. not
bad, not for me (but for my friend jane who's obsessed with
the guy i had sex with). i guess u prob think im some evil
chic who goes out and does things that would make her
friends mad. but i dont. this is like the only time ive
ever known before ive done something that it could hurt a
friend and still done it. but she would have no right to be
upset at jus me (she doesnt know by the way) b/c as kitty
(my best friend and almost-sister) would say "it takes 2 to
tango" so the like all his friends know and some of mine do
too, so she's likely to find out and kill me and him both.
coz he tells her he likes her and i tell her we're friends.
plus she asked me if i did it with him and i said no. but i
wasnt gonna tell her! well i jus realized this entire entry
is prob giving u the wrong idea about me, that i go out and
have sex all the time with my friends' crushes and that i
enjoy hurting ppl. but i dont. and ive only had sex 3 times
now, with a total of 2 guys. so...im not as bad as i seem
and we all make mistakes. do i regret it tho, you ask? hell
no. it was great. we both had the time of our lives. i
suppose we'll have to pay for the consequences, but we BOTH
knew that before we did it. so i guess only time will tell
what bad is gonna come of this. maybe nothing. maybe
everything will be ok. at this point i cant say i care. oh
my what a bad nite to write at a new diary site. im in a
wierd mood right now. i dont know what to think. things
were so messed up yesterday tho. and jane got a lot of
attention from him too. i was offended actually. he came in
the school (i stayed after for play practice and him and i
went for a "walk" and did it then came back to the school)
and he kissed her and all that shit! right after...oh my
was i pissed. but i tried not to show it. but hell it
bothered me sooo much. like "wasnt i good enuf" was what i
was thinking. but he told me its jus coz he likes jane alot
like that and he didnt want to offend her by not kissing
her when she asked him to. i guess i can understand but
geez....it kinda hurt. i mean i know the sex meant nothing
really. it started off as i bet. thats not what it sounds
like but im not explaining. but even tho i knew it might
not mean a lot, i wanted it to mean SOMETHING. maybe u
understand, but if u dont i dont think i could explain it
any better than that. most of u chics out there know what
im sayin here. hey what can you do? move on, thats what. so
im tryin to get back with my ex bf. ok i havent started the
trying part yet (i think trying involves action right?) but
ive longing for it. but since my wrists hurt (ha carpel
tunnel at an early age) i wont go into that today. thats
all folks....


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