KKKKatie

Katie's Journal
2003-02-03 04:24:25 (UTC)

What a World...

It's amazing how much your life can change in so little
time. 3 weeks ago I was still with Frankie, now we're
just friends. 3 weeks ago Josh and I were just friends,
now we're makeout buddies. I must say, it is a nice
change of pace. Very nice. I talked to Josh last week
and told him I missed all the little things that go with
having a boyfriend (kissing, hold hands, stuff like that)
and he said if i wanted he could be my fake boyfriend to
fill the void. And fill the void he did.

He came down Thursday night and we spent the night in Matty's room.
Sometime in the middle of the night I woke up because he
was rubbing my back and I realized that his face was
extremely close to mine. I knew what was coming because
that was pretty much what happened before. After a minute
or two of wondering who would do it first, he kissed me
and it was unbelievable. Don't get me wrong. Frankie
wasn't a terrible kisser, but Josh was amazing.

I don't know if it was the anticipation (3 years worth!) or the
feelings attached or because he's just a natural, but it
was out of this world. I didn't realize how much of a
difference the first kiss butterflies could make. I
hadn't had those with Frankie for over a year. It makes a
world of a difference. I know it sounds cheesy, but every
time he touched me it was electric. And it really wasn't
just going through the motions. It was an honest,
heartfelt show of emotions. We didn't do anything past
kissing (nothing at all! i promise!) but he was still
obviously into it...nudge nudge wink wink...I can't even
describe how it felt. It just felt so right.

Just thinking about I get those butterflies in my stomach. I'm
falling (is it falling if you were already most of the way
down?) really hard, really fast. The only problem is that
if Frankie found out he'd be devestated. I don't feel
guilty, but I feel guilty that I don't feel guilty. I
know he's not making out with other girls, especially not
girls that he swore up and down he didn't have feelings
for.

I'm starting to question how over Josh I was when I
was with Frankie because as soon as I broke up with
Frankie it was like middle school all over again. I was
all giggly around Josh and it's like nothing ever
changed. When I kissed him the other night I started
questioning whether or not I'm a good enough kisser, even
though I got plenty of practice with Frankie. Maybe not
as much practice as Josh has gotten, but I have no reason
to worry, but it was just like last time.

I can't wait until the next time he comes down!!! He was
getting ready to go over to James River the other night to
see some people and I was in the bathroom when he left,
but he came back in and waited for me to come out of the
bathroom to tell me he loved me and that he'd be back to
see me soon. How sweet is that? Sigh...

*Katie*




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