Diary of VERGE
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2003-02-02 18:19:07 (UTC)


So I haven't written in a while.. okay, I've never written.
In truth, I forgot all about this on-line diary business,
it was just one of those spur-of-the-moment things when I
went crazy and got like 4 on-line diary accounts. Jesus I
have to go through my whole junk mail folder and
unsubscribe to all this crap. What was I thinking? So
Government with Big Bad Brown is hard as crap, great, all
the more stress I get from school, etc. I should NEVER have
agreed to doing Brigadoon. I can't sing, I can't read
music, I'm not even going to act and it's going to be a
huge time-waster. On rehearsal dates I go to bed around
midnight in between dance, the gym, and homework. I want to
quit so bad but something is holding me back. It'll be for
my own good if I do quit. But also, people are counting on
me and I know Ms. Rager and Big Bad Brown will NOT approve.
Also, BBB would never give me any leeway through all the
homework he's giving, I know it's going to catch up with me
sooner or later. I just have too much on my plate. I don't
want to get bogged down this early in the semester, I won't
be able to get back up again, and I need some free time
desperately. I guess I'll just have to try and juggle it
all. If I suck, that's Ms. Rager's problem - she shouldn't
have casted me. Why did she, anyways? I sucked at
auditions, I could smell the stink from the first crusty
note that crept out of my dry throat. Maybe she thinks
it'll be a "good experience" for me. Bull. She knows I have
a commitment to dance and I don't think it's fair to drop
that for this crappy play - My parents aren't paying
thousands of dollars for THAT. So I'm pretty pissed off at
my whole situation. I never see my friends anymore, and of
course we'll eventually grow apart which sucks. At least
I'm with Turce, but Kurt is a little strange. There's just
something about her.. and I don't know what it is, there's
something there that I dislike.. or don't trust.. or
SOMETHING. I miss being with Britto, there's a case where
that old saying is true, what is it? Absence makes the
heart grow fonder. That's what holds us together. Sometimes
I hate her but I just need some time away. Well, right now
I miss her and all year I've missed being a part of her
life. God I have to eat lunch with Dula and listen to her
sick stories (it's all fake) and sit there with a smile
plastered on my face when she follows me and Turce around
like a fat puppy. And not to mention I have to watch Rachel
change her whole life around. I have to stare at that girls
cleavage every single day and she KNOWS it! What is going
on with her? Rachel? A slut? That's the last thing I would
ever expect but hey, it's actually happening. It's all
Erica Eggleston's fault. She didn't have that effect on me,
did she? So why is RACHEL turning into a 5 cent whore with
her little crop tops and her bra hanging out? Whew, that is
too much for me to take in. I am SO glad Amy and I are
getting closer, she's so sweet and Jeff has been a great
guy to me for the past couple of weeks. It really makes my
day when he's like that. I enjoy talking to him. Brandon in
my Theater Arts class is so funny, and HOTT AS CRAP! But
then, he's a strange guy, and ALSO best friends with JEFF
PETERSON, my long-time sophomore crush I had all last
semester. He was in my Geometry class, man I miss that boy.
Well I guess I beter go now considering I wrote a lot in
this entry, there's nothing else remotely important going
on at this precise date (and of course as I type that, a
thousand thoughts and ideas fly into my brain). I also have
to finish my ICP work - the only class I REALLY love and am
good at. I better go and sweat at the piano TRYING to learn
my Brigadoon music as well. I'll try to add some kind of
entry some other time.