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Lately I've been induldging in the old lifestyle. And it
feels GOOD!! I've missed these times so much. What I
wouldn't give to be a senior in high school again (I'm not
a 30 year old mother-fucker wishing for 10 years ago, it
was just last year for me)!! Drugs, alchol, and girls...
it was nice. I've got 2 out of 3 now, who needs girls?
They're nice sometimes... but not too often if you have a
girl that will fuck you every once and a while... and I'll
find one every-other blue moon. I'm actually pretty
picky... but somehow the girls that I'd fuck sober always
catch me when I'm drunk, and it's over then. I had a funny
episode with J tonight... she was following me around
wallie-world and just seemed to like my attention. Later
when we were sitting across from one another, I kept
catching her looking at me. She's very fuckable, even girl-
friend material. She's actually smarter and more caring
than everyone gives her credit for. But you know girls...
always wanting the 'bad boy' that never give them the
credit they deserve. So it'll probably never happen
between us. But she's almost too small... I stand over a
head above her. I'd be afraid I might break her or
something. Oh well.
I've been thinking about Crystal a lot lately too. Well,
not her I guess... but one of my biggest regrets. I don't
have too many. This is my way of thinking: I have many
stupid decisions in my past, but I don't regret them
because I had the choice and I chose the stupid decision.
There's only a few I would change if I had the chance. The
one main one that always pops in my head when I'm thinking
about something like that: Not talking to Crystal when I
knew she wanted to talk to me. Sounds silly, I know... but
you just have no idea what she meant (still means) to me.
I'd be ashamed to even meet her on a street corner and talk
to her for more than 10 seconds because of what I've turned
out like in her absence. For instance, tonight I put three
different stimulants in my system. Shit happens though,
doesn't it. Talk later.