somewhere in between
i have been wrestling with God all week and i am worn out...it
takes sooo much emotion and energy to stay up griping about the
same stuff for seven nights straight...and now i've finally figured
stuff out and i'm not flipping out...
eating disorder stuff has been everywhere this week...i don't know
what it is, but every TV show, chapel speaker, magazine,
whatever, has contained stuff about it and it's insane. the reason
it's so easy to become obsessed with eating disorders is because
it's everywhere...uuuugh. so i've had a really hard week just kind
of moaning about stuff and i've been having thoughts i haven't had
since eighth grade...thoughts i really dislike. but it's so so addictive
to be so evil to yourself...so whatever.
my point is, today i spent a lot of time just reading and i prayed
about stuff and i understand now...i remembered something jared
sent me last year about how being a Christian puts you on an
entirely separate plane than the people around you...the people
who are all caught up in worldy stuff and are morbidly concerned
with the shallow things in life...because like paul wrote in
philippians, all that other stuff is rubbish. the stuff that the world
counts as gain, i should count as loss. it's so simple...but i'm so
rotten. ugh. i need to spend more time with God...my heart isn't
lined up with His...