faiien angei

a day in the life...
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2001-09-19 07:27:09 (UTC)

as i converse with the 3 MEs

i often find myself asking "why do you do the things you
do"...more often than not, it seems like a good idea at the
time...but after this weekend, all i can think
is "really...why did i spend the weekend at his house?"
there are 3 different answers that i can think of...both
stemming from multiple personalities none the less...

"feels the need to justify everything/j" personality:

it's a good thing you went there. Considering all the built
up sexual tension between you, it was good to finally face
the facts and figure out if there is anything real
there...a chance to act on your basis for tension. You
kissed, you cuddled, you met his fucking parents for crying
out loud! Even his friends thought you were dating. If a
relationship fails...at least you know you gave it a try.

"negativer/n" personality:

you might have just fucked everything up! You've been good
friends with him for 7 months...and what did you do? you
spent the weekend at his house and snooged him! THE FIRST
CONTROL YOURSELF! you've fucked around with 2 of his
friends, and now you've fucked around with him! Did it ever
enter your mind that possibly the reason he's been "such
good friends" with you was because he always wondered if he
could get in your pants too? Maybe you made him feel like
less of a man for not being able to sweet talk you like his
friends did. PG told him everything about you...what
makes you think that he wont tell him everything? You've
just become that circle's whore! It's high school part 2!

"dreamer/d" personality:

It's good you went. Everything has worked out the way
you've wanted it to. You liked him, he liked you...you
kissed and caressed. He wouldnt let go of you because he
liked holding you...his parents even liked you! Hell, he
wouldnt even let you get out of the car without kissing you
one last time.

conversation between 3 MEs:

d: he still hasnt called me back...
n: why would he call you back? you're just a piece of ass
d: he said that he was particular about the people that he
hooks up with
n: and you believed him?
d: hey...he's the one who made the move first!
n: is there a point? he was testing the waters...he jsut
wanted a taste of everything else his friends had tasted.
d: i dont think it's like that. Why would he have introed
me to his parents if he was just going to use me?
n: he was being polite blondie. ever heard of a casual sex
relationship? you're on the road to becoming the
dreaded "friends with benefits."
d: but i didnt even do anything with him. I like him. i'm
not going to fuck him off the bat. i want a relationship
with him.
n: and you think it makes him feel good about himself that
all of his friends got further with you on the first night
than he has in 7 months?
d: he doesnt like whores...
n: to late for that sweety! so what...are you using sex to
get him to respect you?
d: i'm not like that!!
n: my ass you're not like that! you're a typical girl! you
all play games.
j: dont be so harsh on her n. At least it was an experience
from which she can grow from.
d: thank you j.
n: shut the fuck up! you are both dumb bitches who dont
know shit from shin-o-la.

oh, woe is me.
i dont know who to listen to anymore...
too many voices all at once...
N is rather harsh...male obviously.
wish i could get the voices to be a bit more soft spoken...
the screaming needs to stop before i lose my mind...

n: the mind is a terrible thing to waste

thanks for pointing out the obvious!

j: you will be fine...growing experience...

d: everything will be fine!