Aunjaleis

Alpha Aunja-leis
2003-02-02 03:23:35 (UTC)

I am covered in skin-noone gets to come in-pull me out from inside

HAPPY QUALITY MAN DAY!!! I haven't really done much to
celebrate it though-I have been tired. In fact, I have
spent the day working, watching Sex In The City, and
drinking a Heinekin. :)
Parents Monte Carlo Night went off pretty well. There were
some jacked up dads there. But, hey I look cute, so what
more is there. Um there isn't-to answer that. :)
I then went to visit a sickly Brian-who was very
anxious..borderline ADHD. I blame the illness. :)
But it was good to see him and talk about stuff.
I am a little stressed. WHy? I have 2 tests next week-a
conference over the weekend-AAAAAAHHHHHH
I am also eagerly anticipating the weekend at Becky's where
we shall all celebrate Valentines Day in our own jacked up
way. :) Disposable cameras anyone. :)
I am also planning on having dinner with Roger this week. I
also have to run home to get a suitcase and dry cleaning.
And, lastly, I am planning on meeting Tim and having latte
and conversation. (PLease God send me a quality & stable
man) Amen I mean even for a while not forever.....someone
to sing me a song..lol
As many of you probably have heard the space shuttle
exploded. I WAS DEEPLY DISTURBED BY THIS....
I almost cried. As most of you know I have a mad love for
all that is avaition-like it is my b-friend. This touched
the core in me because it is like a step back in idealism.
Will be scared to explore far away places? Will the lives
of the lives of 8 men be destroyed? This was a sad day in
history and I think God is not smiling odwn on the USA much
anymore. I can't stand to read the paper.....it saddens me.
Which brings me to a convo I had with Caitlyn....she had a
death happen. We said that life just isn't long enough. You
think that it would be, but it's not. When you lose a
parent or other loved one you wonder what more you could
have known. I have known people that have killed themselves-
I have had friends kill themselves. I always wonder what
more I could have done or known to rid them of their
demons. The mystical place of humans is far more enchanting
than the surface that we know in passing. The deepest
thoughts and demons of a human are things they share with
noone. Those are the things that destroy them. In the end
those things are the things people wanted to know. You end
life and you wonder why? I can remember one friend who had
a childhood of rape and rejection, and she was so
vunerable. But, she hid behind aggression and anger to keep
all away. It worked. But she died. I always wonder what she
would have become-what more she could have done-and if she
would have ever driven through all that pain. I even wonder
what more I could have done. If I ever see her again, I am
going to tell her, I am going to tell her all the things
noone did -or maybe people did , but she never believed.
She was magical and worthy of living. Yes, life is too
short.........




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