once again
2001-09-19 05:54:23 (UTC)

doritos and twinkies

it's been raining all night. I love the rain, it's calming
and unstressful. Just stay at home, rent a movie and curl
up with someone. I remember when Shawn and I would get
caught in the rain. I'd always tell him that I would kill
him because now my hair will get all frizzy. He'd make me
run and once he even slipped. Off of our front stoop and
he cried because he twisted his ankle so badly. I kinda
laughed but he knew why. He'd always yell at me because
I'd leave windows open in the house and it would rain
inside. I remember we had a party with a few friends, a
little over a year ago and we were trashed. He took the
Grand Am to the store and left the passenger window down
and the next moring it was soaked. Our little fights are
so much to the both of us now. We'd be at home vegging out
and we would get the munchies. Both places we lived the
store was right around the corner. 1 a.m. and I would make
him drive me and we'd get so much junk food, my
favorite...doritos, twinkies, and Grandmd Spunkmiar
peanutbutter cookies. He hated the first two but would
devouir my cookies. We'd fall asleep on the couch,
sometimes too trashed to move and he'd undress me and put
me to bed next to him. I'd complain I was cold and he'd
always wrap himself around me. He always told me he would
keep me warm forever. Now look at us, struggling just to
call each other everyday. And I'm putting faith in this
man to prove his love to me. I've been putting this
terrorist crap into thought, and what if they instill the
draft again? Who will they take and how do they determine
it? I can't lose Shawn to that. He doesn't want to do
that. He needs to be with me, so I remind myself they
won't do that unless it is extreme and I hope to God this
isn't a bad war. THen I stop and think how am I going to
get Shawn to save enough money to move here? And if he
fails to do it, what then? He'll have broken my heart
again. I told him not to ever do it again. This is his
last chance...period to end! I am almost to the point that
if he doesn't do it soon, he'll have lost me for good.
He's the one with the heavy conscience, not me. I have
tried my best these last 6 months and I know I can't do
anymore. I want November to hurry up, then I want him to
hurry up. I think he's true this time and all I can do is
wait. He says he's marrying me.