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2001-09-19 03:10:54 (UTC)

What's the point?

What's the point?

Here we are in the mists of a new year. Well, for me it
has just beginning of the end. It's my senior year and
I've been evaluating my life and where I am going. I find
myself sitting infront of my computer and asking, "Why the
hell am I infront of this stupid machine?" It's a word
processor. It's a cd player...sure it's those things, but
what else is it? It's personal contact you might say, but
it's not. People are is touching and
interacting. Where in the cyber world do you literally
reach out and touch someone. I think that is why we chat
and why we enjoy it. We don't make friends over the
internet with other people. We make friends with
ourselves. We talk to other people and they reply. They
reply with neither a chuckle, sacasm, nor a friendly
smile. Sure there are LOL, ::sarcastically grins::, and
the nitorious =0) smilies, but they do not replace the
laugh of a friend, the help of a mother, the wiping away of
tears. Yes, it may seem that it does, but that is your own
mind. You read someone elses words the way you wish to
read them. You're thinking right can only read
things one way, well, what if I said, "I hate you." The
context of that would be important and the way I said it
too. You could have gotten a higher score than I did on a
test and I said..."Oh, I hate got a better
score." It could mean that or it could mean you betrayed me
as a friend, I hate you for the person you are and who you
are turning me into." The internet is an escape from
reality as we know it and a safety net from people. You
can protect yourself. At anytime you can turn it off and
leave it or run to it open armed.

Why you ask am I ranting on about this? Well, people do
this everyday...they go to their computers looking for
people to reach out to, but they don't find anything, but
their own insecurity and confusion. That's why things like
the Columbine shooting occur. That's why there is so much
distruction in this world and so many of us look to the
next life. Some see the end or what they hope is the end
as the best solution. How are we suppose to survive in a
society where the closest human contact is a dirty old man
trying to seduce a child over a cartoon chat room? There's
the's our greatest educational tool and the
greatest outlet for murders, petafiles, and twisted human

Here is my delema...where in this world do I fit? Which
one am I? Who do I search for when I hop online? Do I
look for comfort? Do I look for security?

I know one thing is sure I do look for what I feel I lack
the most...confidence. I'm scared, scared of people,
scared of the future, scared of the unknown and most of all
scared of what I actually do know.

Please respond if you know.

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