alone again

death be not proud
2003-02-01 19:07:11 (UTC)

hell breaks me down every time something goes right

ok i skipped fourth fith and sixth yesterday along with
bill erin megan and brittany. we went to my house and we
sat and hung out for a while. erin and i made out a few
times then she told me she finally made up her mind about
who she was going to go out with. for a while i had been
kissing her and everythign and she had been missing her
bf. she rarely sees him and i was there i guess. she said
she chose me. she wanted to see how far we could actually
go with a relationship. i was so happy but i wanted to
make sure she was telling the truth. i asked her a few
times are you sure? do you regret it. just so if sher said
she wanted to chose again i wouldnt get hurt at all. she
said no she made the choise she wanted to that she is
happy with this choose. then i get a call from my mom
saying that i am getting kicked out at 18. i most likely
will need to get my ged now. and i was kicked out of my
fourth period class for skipping. the entire time all i
was thinking was this would be much worse if i wasnt with
erin. we kissed and i told her i wish she wasnt going to
go. i didnt want her to leave i knew what would happen. i
knew she would change her mind. she left and went to joshs
adn changed her mind. she calls me and we spent the rest
of the night talking on the phone and she kept trying to
explain why she changed her mind. i couldnt deal with it
then. i can somewhat now. but i had the kind of day most
peopel kill them selves over and i was thinking about it.
i was crying. normally i can fight back tears so well that
i wont even have one fall down. i couldnt keep from
crying. everything was so good until i got that call from
mom. i knew if she went and talked to him she would change
her mind i knew it. there was never a doubt in my mind
about that. and i was right. she said she cared for me and
wanted to go out. and yet i believed her. i dont doubt sht
did but i am mad that i actually felt like she wouldnt
change her mind. even though i knew she would. we talked
again today and i want her to come over but she wont. i
need to talk to her but she wont. oh well. i wont do
anythign to stupid i hope. you never know what the future
holds.




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