allie lost

allie lost
2001-09-18 21:07:15 (UTC)

Day One

This is my life, as it has been for the past 16 years and
ten months. I wish i had more to say than this, how severly
fucked up it all has been.
Brief intro to me:
born in dublin ireland in 1984 to john and susan.
sister to kate . daughter to no one.
thrown none to gracefully into the life of boarding schools
and dance schools from one end of the world to the other.
was brutally dragged home after one failed plot to run away
from school in ontario. now living in the great canadian
mid-west. bitter as a 60 year old woman with three failed
marriages and 14 cats under her belt.
Who am I?
damned if i know. after ten years of solidtude and soul
searching you would think i would know me quite well. alas,
mistaken.
through out the years i have however discovered who i am
not.
i am not the average brainless 16 year old. i am not the
perfect girl next door. i am not at one with my universe
and i will never be what society wants me to be. not from
strong will but most likely from lack thereof and casual
disregard to the societal norms.
What do i do?
i go to school. a self motivated hole that claims self
adapted learning system but really just promotes
procrastination and ignorance. i go to work. work i like. i
am good at my job. i make coffee. i am a barrista. (look it
up undergrads) my friends? i have countless aquaintences,
but very few real friends. stop the sympathy. i have yet to
meet someone who i can trust enough with real friendship.
it seems like the world today is full of all those
coulorful cartoon fake people and there i am in black and
white. i don't fit in. i'm okay with that.